Meeting with my one of my volunteers recently we talked about her small group, how it was going, how she was engaging with them and she confessed that she felt she was just not a good small group leader. I was astonished; she is a gifted, Jesus-loving, hard-working leader who has been one of our core team members for years. I needed to know why she was feeling this way and for how long… and I quickly discovered that one of the biggest reasons for feeling this way was me.

After years of listening to my sermons, retreats, and anecdotal accounts of my life she felt that; for lack of a better word, she was boring. That was hard to hear, that because of the person that I put myself out to be and all the stories that have I shared from the front she would feel that her life could not measure up and therefore her small group girls could never be satisfied with her. The reality is that I am a pretty boring guy – after all I am a frequent attender of estate auctions, I re-purpose antiques in my garage, sell things I make online, and golf. All of these things are pretty dull to the average teenager. But have I painted a misleading portrait of who I am and what I do, and have made myself out to be a caricature of an actual person? Am I even real to them?

This is a struggle that most pastors (especially youth pastors) have. We end up sharing lots of the crazy stories that have happened to us, including the ones many of us go out of our way to make happen because they might make great illustrations. (One time I drove 5 minutes past my exit of the freeway following a pick up truck full of loaves of bread because I was hoping some would fly out and hit my car – and sure enough three loaves did.) But I really enjoy spending time with students, especially my small group, one-on-one because if anything they get to see that I am a pretty normal guy. The ones that don’t know the real me look at my twitter and Facebook, and it’s one event or conference after another, one more “adventure” that I am on. This highlight reel is not in any way, shape, or form an accurate portrait of my life.

Then what do we do?  I would suggest that you do what I try and do and remind people that you are normal, that you watch TV with your wife and cats, that you sometimes clean your garage on Friday nights, I don’t read my Bible all day either and that that’s okay. Remind your leaders that students desire for them to be real, not a superhero leader whose life is not attainable; to be a leader who is authentic, who struggles with things, who loves Jesus, and shows the ins and outs of their relationship with Him. Remind them that their story is God’s story working itself out through them and therefore is valuable and meaningful. Take every opportunity to be real with them and remember to do life with your team as well as your students.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

Excited to announce that Travis Prouty has joined the High School Team at Saddleback Church. He’s a great volunteer-turned-staff who is going to be a great minister. Travis has been working on Saddleback’s facilities team for close to 8 years, so knows servanthood and has a big heart for students. Pumped about working alongside this guy!

JG

Mallory from Worship-Backgrounds has given MoreThanDodgeball.com readers an exclusive worship background download from their site. They’ve got TONS of free ones (most are solid for youth ministry) and make them available for free simply in exchange for you giving them your information by signing up. You in?

Go check it out and be sure to download the MTDB exclusive background and many more here!

JG

What is it about youth ministry that makes it seem like it’s always a game of shadows for so many of us? I just went out to finally see Sherlock Holmes 2 with two of the guys from our middle school ministry. After begging my wife to go with me since it came out, I finally gave up and took initiative on my own. As a side note, in case my wife reads this, it’s not her fault she never took me up on it as my invitations were always unplanned and spontaneous, and that doesn’t really work with an eight month old child. All this, however, is simply semantics. The movie was as good as I had hoped it to be, but as I drove home after dropping off the two guys it hit me: I’m pretty sure I’ve been involved in a game of shadows in my youth ministry this past year.

I’ve really discovered a lot over the past few months. One of the biggest discoveries came recently when it hit me that I’ve been sucked into the most common traps of youth ministry this side of the Mississippi. It started without even a warning. I simply looked around at all the programs, exciting events, and cool activities going on within our church and thought, “Wow, that’s what positive ministry looks like”.

I began brainstorming, and watched as ideas poured forth from my head onto my white board. Each one looked more brilliant then the last. As I did this, I convinced myself that my motivation was right. I thought, “These shiny new programs and events are what will help create the opportunities for relationships and sharing Christ.

Truth is, all I really did was fill up my plate-as well as the plates of those who VOLUNTEERED to minister along side of me. At the end of the year I found my self chasing hard towards an impressive looking ministry. The problem was I would leave at the end of these events wondering, “is this really the way it’s supposed to be?”.  Sure, there were tons of students, lots of growth, and loads of fun, but for what purpose?

I look back and wish for the opportunity to do less, but mean more! I am determined to change things around. This game of shadows will confuse me no more. I am resolved to have a ministry driven by purpose. Not just any purpose, but the ONE purpose to which I am called. A Mathew 28 purpose.

Here’s the point: it’s so easy to get trapped by the pace of ministry, the lure of a dynamic program, and constant increase of numbers. It’s good to have a paced ministry, but be sure that the pace is one that ministers not only to students but also your family and yourself. It’s great to have a dynamic program, but understand, it’s not about you, your job, or your own personal success. It’s about making Christ’s name famous.

Lastly, let’s talk numbers. We hear this stuff all the time, and I realize that, but had it not grabbed me so easily I wouldn’t talk about it.

The reality is, Christ will draw people to himself, and He doesn’t need our help. He has invited us into his work, and wants us to be a part of it, but it’s His show. Listen to this carefully, numbers are a sign of positive Christ centered ministry, but not the sign. The power of the Gospel will draw students to it so don’t be so enthralled with numerical growth that it becomes the driving factor for your decision making as a leader. Let the Gospel of Christ lead, and be thankful for the way in which He uses you! Don’t be distracted by the youth ministry game of shadows.

Eric Upton is the Middle School Pastor at Bridgeway Christian Church and you can follow him on Twitter or roll over to his Tumblr here if you dare.

My friend AC was just licensed as a minister and asked me to walk him through our baptism process since it is his 1st baptism this weekend. Going to be great! Here’s what I sent him:

Fill out a baptism card
Before every baptism service we have cards that students fill out with their basic information, as well as a few questions about their faith and spiritual life. Parent permission is required to be baptized in our high school ministry.

Explain what baptism is
Baptism is a symbol of what God has already done in our hearts. He has made us a new creature, He has washed away our sins. This is only possible through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Baptism doesn’t save you, it is normal water and actually nice and warm on a cold night like this – the water is a picture of the cross (the water and the person form a cross), the death (when the person is put under the water) and the resurrection (when the person is brought back up) of Jesus Christ. Today you are identifying yourself as a follower of Jesus Christ and taking this first step of obedience.

Ask everyone to participate
The baptism isn’t just about one person – it is also a time to celebrate and commit to walking alongside them in community as well. We have several traditions in HSM, one being that we all cheer (and join with the rejoicing in Heaven) when someone comes up out of the water. We also take a moment to pray for the person being baptized as well.

Pictures/videos
Pause for a quick picture break!

Ask the individual questions/testimony
At this point, I like to ask the person being baptized a few questions about the faith and testimony. For sure they need to be able to articulate the basics of their love for Jesus.

The actual words/process of baptism
Well, (name) based on your testimony, it is my privilege to baptize you on the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Buried with Him in baptism (put them under the water), raised to walk (bring them up) in newness of life. [everyone cheers!] I like to hug the person being baptized, and then splash a few other people gathered around. Ha!

Invite others to be baptized
As I wrap things up I like the tradition of inviting others to be baptized – it rarely happens right there, but we have baptisms on the first weekend of every month and want to make it a practice to make that known.

Got any questions? Leave it in the comments and I’ll do a FAQ follow-up post!

JG

Got a few questions about a recent game we did called Frog or Duck? It was a simple and fun game we did as part of the opening of our youth services a few weeks back (read the full Weekend in Review here). Parker just posted the graphics/sound/video if you want to try to game out in your ministry, too!

JG

Last week it was interesting to see that close to 65% of student ministries now offer (or will offer soon) some sort of ministry internship. Quick follow-up to that one suggested in the comments – are your internships paid or unpaid? Vote now!

JG

Being in youth ministry for fifteen years now I have seen a lot of different youth group styles, philosophies, and I can tell you that haphazard is not a good style or philosophy. Having a strategy for your youth group needs to be a value, but not an idol. Strategy is important; it provides clear understanding of objectives and parameters around how they will be achieved.

It’s not the be all end all – but if done right, it will go a long way to creating a smoother process for yourself and your leaders. Here’s why:

Strategy breeds consistency:  Having a standardized skeleton of how things are done is really disarming for students and leaders. When the program changes week in and week out and we stand at the front and encourage them to bring a friend, what are they bringing them to? When you have objectives and a somewhat strategic program, leaders know what to expect and students know what they are bringing their friends to. This simply requires that we commit to following through with whatever we decide will be our approach.

Strategy requires rationale: When we use a strategic approach, it requires that we have a reason for every element of the program and that if asked we can explain it to a parent or student. An example might be playing a secular song when the students are coming in as a means of disarming visitors who might be walking into a church for the first time. Why do we have worship? If didn’t have it, why not? Why do we play very few games? I am not sure its wise to have many elements of a youth night that have no reason or purpose.

Strategy is dynamic: It is vitally important that we be attentive to what God is doing in the midst of all of this. If students are encountering God in worship, it might be time to cut back the intro to increase the worship time. Maybe your group is not ready for a thirty-minute talk. Keep tabs on things and adjust as necessary.

Strategy is important … but not the most important thing. Doing good ministry, being attentive the needs of your students’ spiritual growth is key. Having a strategy is most helpful in taking the high level vision to an attainable and implementable set of actions for your leaders to work with.

JG

Our student leadership is just getting off the ground again right now (you can download our application later this week if you want to adapt it for your ministry) and we’re looking at curriculum to take our students through. Up first we’re going to do a book study of Doug Fields’ Help! I’m a Student Leader book, then we’re probably going to adapt LIVE’s Leadership lessons. We already use the LIVE Curriculum in our Life Groups, seems like a great fit. Here’s a bit of the company line if you want to check it out, too:

We’ve partnered with our good friends at LeaderTreks to help your students and adults discover indispensable biblical principles that are relevant both to daily life and to youth ministry. LeaderTreks has built a solid reputation as a national ministry committed to helping congregations pursue the goal of consistent leadership development within youth ministries.

JG

Beyond excited to get my hands on Brian Berry’s first book - As For Me and My [Crazy] House. Looks so perfect for youth workers with growing families. As a father of 4, I can relate. Can I get an amen?

Serving in Christian ministry should be a life-building, life-giving, life-inspiring experience for leaders, spouses, and families. So why isn’t that always the case? In this book, youth pastor Brian Berry pours out his thoughts on why it’s so tough to build a healthy life, a healthy marriage, and a healthy family in the midst of ministry craziness. He focuses on the three best gifts you as a youth worker can bestow:

• The best gift you can give your marriage is a healthy self
• The best gift you can give your family is a healthy marriage
• The best gift you can give your community and ministry is a healthy family

JG