Chris Wesley | More Than Dodgeball

Chris WesleyMore Posts Tips For Better Speaking

Even though I speak on a weekly basis I still get nervous getting up in front of an audience. It’s interesting considering that I’m an extrovert. I love being around large groups of people; however, the idea of them watching me gets me sweating in a not so pleasant way.

To get more comfortable speaking in front of teenagers (And even adults) I need to gain more confidence in my speaking.

Your comfort level is one of the many factors that contributes to effective speaking. If you want to engage students and empower them you need to consistently hone your craft. To do this takes practice; however, it also means:

Watching The Experts – While you have your own unique style, studying other professionals will help you pick up on good habits. How are they starting their message? How do they move in and out of laughter? Don’t just watch other pastors, check out comedians or conference speakers who have a great speaking reputation.

Owning The Content – Maybe you outsource your material and maybe it’s 100% original. No matter what you are using you need to own it. That means making sure challenges and bottom lines (What you want them to know) are extremely clear and in your voice. Don’t be afraid to pass it around to others to review it for you.

Timing Yourself – When you time the length of your message it challenges you to think, “Can I get to my point quicker?” This means eliminating unnecessary examples and catching on delays like, “Um“. The more efficiently you use your time the better you engage your audience.

Breaking Down The Sections - While rehearsing your message back to front is important, it’s also key to break it down. This means understanding the transitions that take place from component (i.e. scripture) to component. Take the time to just rehearse certain parts and discover the flow of your message improve.

Grabbing An Audience – Even if it’s one person ask if you can read them your message. This way you can practice in front of a face (To overcome stage fright) and gain feedback on body language, tone and pace.

Recording What You Do - Just as an athlete studies game tape to improve a swing or a shot, you need to review yourself speaking. This is humbling become it means noticing bad (And good) habits and seeing what others are witnessing. Just set up a camera and journal what you are seeing. Next time you practice you’ll keep your notes in mind.

Speaking is a gift; however, it’s a skill that needs to be crafted and practiced. With everything on your plate it’s easy to just write the message and give it; however, communication is one of your most important responsibilities. If you can communicate effectively and deliver an engaging message you’ll bring your ministry to an entirely new level.

What speaking tips would you add to the list?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

Add Comment April 2, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts Give Every Teen a Voice

I have mixed feelings when it comes to student leadership groups within your student ministry. While it’s important to create leaders, to group them risks creating a click within the ministry. No matter what your feelings are on student leadership groups, it’s important to nurture teens to be leaders. One of the best ways to do this by giving them a voice.

It’s with a voice teens feel empowered, encouraged and valued. It’s with a voice that you are mobilizing the next generation. To give teens that voice you need to:

Encourage Them To Serve: Actions speak louder than words. Not only does service speak loud but it teaches humility and love. Allow teenagers to serve alongside of adults in ministry and mission. They’ll become visible to the rest of the congregation and community, and that’s huge. If they lead with their actions, you give their actions a physical voice that’s hard to ignore.

Seek Their Feedback: If you speak to teens you need to get their thoughts and input. To be proactive give them rough drafts of your message, ask them to comment of possible statements you might make. I do this by going on Facebook and messaging a few teens I know. Give them permission to share with you what they really think and they’ll support you in your leadership.

Brag About Them To Leadership: If there are teens in your ministry you want to spot light let the rest of your staff (Especially your pastor) know about their hard work. This will encourage coworkers to recognize the student leaders in your church and they’ll feel like they’ve been noticed. This will help them feel value beyond youth ministry.

Give Them A Platform: If teens are given the opportunity to share their faith publicly you prepare them for leadership roles in the future.

Playing in a worship band.
Giving a testimony.
Small group leading their younger peers.

Are all ways of how teens can lead as adults in the future. Not only are you giving them a platform; but, the opportunity to lead in the same way adults can lead. This will show them how they can lead in the future.

When teens feel like they have a voice they’ll embrace your ministry more. They’ll be taking on responsibility to grow the church and have it function at a high level. When they feel empowered they feel motivated. When teens have a voice you’ve done your job of mobilizing the next generation.

How do you give teen’s in your ministry a voice?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

1 View Comments March 28, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts Growing Outside Of Small Groups

As my high school group of guys have grown older I’ve noticed the amount or responsibilities and conflicts in schedule have grown. Because our groups meet every Thursday night it’s easy for them to miss a week here and there. However, as the obstacles and alternate opportunities grow their attendance starts to falter. They tell me they love being their; however, they are just so bogged down with:

School Work
Sports Practice
Responsibilities At Home

I’m sure this list could continuously go on for many of you and that your groups face similar challenges. The key to keeping the group strong is to enable it to grow outside of your allotted time. That means connecting with teens multiple times during the week in a variety of ways.

That might seem fine to you; however, overwhelming to your volunteers. If you introduce that idea to them there might be push back or reluctance, and that’s okay. You just need to help and show them how to grow outside the designated time. To do that:

Give Leaders An Out – From time to time give your small group leaders permission to do something outside of the usual time or agenda. Because time is so valuable allow them to sacrifice a night of the “usual youth ministry” to do something different. Challenge them to embark in a service project instead of discussing service. Encourage them to do something social that will build camaraderie. Give them permission “to play”.

Extend An Invitation - Many leaders might not know where to start when it comes to investing in their group outside the weekend. Invite them to join you when you are heading out to a game (Where their teens might be present) or on an outing your group might be planning. By extending an invitation you are leading by example.

Set Them Up For Success - On top of extending an invitation to join you equip them with resources that will help them connect with teens outside the group. That might mean training them on social media etiquette, or giving them the tools for planning a night of laser tag. As the youth minister of your church you have a wealth of resources and knowledge that your volunteers need access.

The more a group can grow outside of the weekend or it’s usual time the stronger it will become. It will teach the teens how to build relationships outside of a youth ministry setting. It will also build confidence in your leaders because they’ll feel like they have ownership. When your leaders are motivated to lead outside the group it extends your capacity to be present in the community.

How do you help your volunteers connect with teens outside the designated time?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

1 View Comments March 26, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts Why You Need To Be In Unison With “Big Church”

What I love about youth ministry is how you can get away with some things that you could never do in adult worship. When you fail or mess up teens will be a little more forgiving especially if they see that you are trying. While youth ministry has it’s uniqueness it has it’s dangers if it is totally isolated from the movement of the adult congregation. If not connected to the flow and movement of adult ministry and worship it can be an obstacle to the entire church. One of our responsibilities as youth ministers is to make sure that we are IN UNISON WITH “BIG CHURCH”.

The reason you need to build synergy between teens and adults is because it:

Encourages Conversation Between Parent’s and Kids
Enables Outside The Box Thinking
Equips a Vibrant Generation to Take Ownership

When the church is in unison it becomes a movement and it’s relevancy increases. Unfortunately, there are road blocks that stand in the way that will cause friction. To remove that friction and synergy between youth and adults you need to:

Make Your Relationship With Leadership A Priority: Not always the easiest thing to do; however, it has the biggest payoff. When you can communicate to the pastor your needs and your situation he can serve as an advocate on your behalf. If this is something that’s impossible you might need to reconsider where you are working. (Click here to learn more on leading up)

Preach On Similar Topics: If you can be ONE CHURCH ONE MESSAGE then you give families a common ground for their conversations. While it’s not always appropriate to talk about the exact same topics as the adults you can pull from similar themes and readings. If your church teaches in message series consider following along. Fuel the conversation at home.

Encourage Teens To Serve Alongside Adults: Building intergenerational relationships are essential in building your capacity as a leader. When you empower teens to serve alongside of adults you give them role models in faith. It gives the teens an opportunity to be influenced and encouraged by an adult who sees the importance of serving the Lord.

While there is power and benefit to creating unique opportunities for teenagers, it’s important not to lose sight of how they are connected to the local church. Work on the relationships you have with coworkers, invest yourself in what the adult ministry is doing and strive to be one church of many generations.

How do you work to be in unison with “Big Church”?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

1 View Comments March 21, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts Diffusing Angry People

I was standing right outside of our sanctuary waiting to wish our church members farewell after the morning service. Our pastor had just delivered a gauntlet of a message and you could tell that emotions were high. As the crowd came out, an older man marched right up to me and stopped about 5 inches from my face. My first thought?

Here we go again.

He proceeded to chew me out, criticize the pastor and tear apart our church. It was awful.

Anytime you face criticism you have two choices. You can allow it to control you or you can control it. The way you face criticism is not by fighting back but by:

Embracing The Situation: Don’t recoil or hide, just lean in. Listen and acknowledge the person’s emotions. You don’t have to defend yourself right away or apologize, just accept that this is happening. When you acknowledge a problem it’s easier to deal with it.

Affirming Their Feelings: Best way to diffuse anger is to kill them with kindness. First step is to affirm that they are being listened to. Repeat back to them any emotions or feelings that they’ve expressed. When someone is angry and takes it out on someone they want to know that they are being heard.

Take A Moment: While you might be ready to fight back, be sure to take your time to respond. Speak slowly, use short sentences and ask God to lead you. The problem with conflict is we tend to run into them headfirst. Slow down and take the time to respond to the situation.

Follow Up: After you have allowed them to vent and, have affirmed their emotions, invite them into a further discussion. Whether it’s making an actual appointment or giving them permission to email or call, show them that you care. If it’s serious they’ll follow up and chances are it will be a constructive conversation. If it’s a reaction to something happening outside their relationship with you, chances are they’ll calm down on their own.

Anger, and frustration from others is not easy to deal with. It can be debilitating and demoralizing. It’s important to remember that not everyone who is angry is coming after you. Instead you have to see that people are coming to you for help and assistance. Don’t take it personal; instead use it to build trust. Help them diffuse the anger and show them compassion.

How do you diffuse anger?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

Add Comment March 18, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts Simple Steps To Successful Recruiting

Email blasts, announcements from the pulpits, and flyers on car windshields are only a few of the methods we have tried when it comes to recruiting ministers. It can be a painful process because the idea of hearing, “NO” breaks our heart and leaves us hopeless.

If you want to successfully recruit volunteers for your youth ministry you need to KEEP IT SIMPLE. That means making the process less intimidating and frustrating. To be successful at this you need to:

Give Them A Test Drive – Ministry can be intimidating, especially with teenagers. Many reasons people will turn you down is because they think it’s all in or nothing. Allow them to witness and shadow a night of your ministry. Sit down with them afterwards and invite them back for another try if they are unsure. A non committal test run, takes away the fear of signing their life away.

Eliminate Surprises - With the growing need for paperwork and background checks getting involved in ministry can be like taking out a mortgage on a house. This can be shocking to someone who just wants to serve teens. Make the process simple and clear by laying out the steps they will need to take ahead of time. This way they won’t be caught off guard when you say, “Welcome to ministry, now let’s go to orientation and training.” Clear expectations allow them to walk in confident in your leadership.

Share The Vision – Ideally you want your volunteers to serve once a week, every week for an entire year. If possible you want them for more than just a year. That’s a lot to chew; therefore, give them a vision of what happens when they invest in the ministry. Share with them testimonies, give them a window into your passion and let them know that it’s more than just chaperoning. Help them see WHY so they can see past the HOW.

Get Their Input – Once they commit and begin serving, follow up with them. This way they’ll know you are happy to have them on board as a team player. Not only will they feel included in your ministry’s mission, but you’ll gain insight you’ve never heard before. Sitting down with them to hear their thoughts will affirm their decision to serve alongside of you.

You need ministers and it will always feel like you cannot get them fast enough. Be patient and develop a system so that when the mass communication hits the air waves you are prepared to bring them along. While you will still hear, “NO” from time to time, you won’t make the process as painful as going to the dentist.

What steps would you add? How do you recruit volunteers into ministry?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

Add Comment March 7, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts How To Build Youth Ministry Endurance

This past weekend thousands of youth ministers participated in the Simply Youth Ministry Conference. As a participant in the past few I know that feelings of empowerment and encouragement are flowing through this years attendees minds and souls. The reason these conferences can be such a powerful experience is because of the camaraderie and the opportunity to take a youth ministry “Time Out”.

The problem with a conference like Simply Youth Ministry is that it’s only a weekend. After a weekend of euphoria you are forced to go home and face:

That hurting teen.
A pastor you clash with.
An angry parent.
A semi committed ministry team.

Youth ministry is filled with hills and valleys. It’s like a long run with no end in site. The only way to get through it is ONE STEP AT A TIME. To endure in this emotional, exhausting and journey that you and I call youth ministry you need to make sure you:

Network With Other Youth Workers: You can connect with these men and women at conferences, speak with your pastor or visit sites like the National Network of Youth Ministry. Build relationships with men and women who know what you are facing.

Set-up Limits: This means creating a schedule that protects your time at home and what is most important at work. It also means learning how to say “No” even if the opportunity seems incredible. Work within your limits and see how God will bless you.

Seek Personal Accountability: Find men or women in your church that you can meet with to talk about life, share goals and call you out when you are straying from what’s important. If you don’t know where to start, talk to your pastor, ask fellow youth workers or talk with one of your volunteers to recommend people.

Embrace The Moments: Everything that is good in your ministry is significant. When a teen invites a friend, quotes something from your message on Twitter or testifies in front of their peers, remember it. For all the bad in youth ministry there is so much good. As youth ministers you need to celebrate and share it with your coworkers, volunteers, parents, teens and other youth workers. It’ll remind you why what you do is worth it.

Observe A Sabbath: As a youth worker you need to find other ways of embracing the Sabbath outside of Sundays. While you might be at church it’s still easy to mix work with worship. Take a day where you spend it quietly with God or join a prayer group not associated with your church. If you can’t connect with God you’ll make yourself more exposed to Satan’s tricks.

Youth ministry is a battle because you are dealing with changing lives and relationships. To truly survive and thrive you need to rely on God’s strength and love. Invest in people who will invest in you and keep moving one step at a time. Your work, dedication and heart for the next generation is priceless, fuel it.

How do you endure the long haul of youth ministry?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

2 View Comments March 5, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts The Power Of Networking

This weekend thousands of youth pastors will be flooding the city of Indianapolis for the annual Simply Youth Ministry Conference. Sadly, I will not be one of them. My reason is totally legitimate (And it makes missing not so bad) my wife recently gave birth to our second son Benjamin. One of the aspects of the conference that I’ll miss the most is meeting, growing and praying with some really awesome men and women who are currently in the trenches of youth ministry. One of the best things about events like the Simply Youth Ministry Conference is the ability to build your network.

Networking can be easily overlooked because hanging with other youth workers can feel like time away from work. Youth ministry is demanding because there is a constant need to serve teens, parents and train volunteers. But, if you don’t take the time to sit with other youth workers you’ll lack some important tools and resources to grow in your ministry. When you network with other youth workers in the trenches you:

Are Reminded That You Aren’t Alone – Youth ministry can be lonely because of the burdens you put on yourself. You network with other youth ministers you have a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear your pains and a soul to pray for you.

Have Someone To Bounce Ideas Off Of - Maybe you have that crazy idea that might just work. Chances are someone before you has tested it out and is willing to give you their insight. Networking with other youth ministers means getting feedback on what works and what doesn’t. It means recommendations on curriculum, conferences and events.

Can Share An Outside Perspective – There will always be challenges in youth ministry. In order to approach the obstacles and situations that might be overwhelming you need someone to give you insight and wisdom. By partnering up with others they’ll give you tips on how to approach your pastor, work with helicopter parents and walk with a hurting teen.

Will Be Encouraged In Your Calling – You will have moments when ministry feels like mud. You might have that temptation to quit, walk away and forget the whole thing; however, having a group of youth workers around you can cheer you on. Your fellow youth workers can remind you why it is God has called you into the trenches of youth ministry.

Networking isn’t wasting time, it’s building to your arsenal of resources to take on the evil one. It also makes youth ministry bigger than your church, it breaks down competition and jealousy. Working, communicating and sharing life with other youth workers will only make you stronger. Take advantage of it.

Why do you network with other youth workers?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)