Here are 5 ways to make visitors feel uncomfortable in your ministry this weekend:

1) Have greeters ignore people they should greet – make a heckle tunnel of sorts that greets people on the way in. Have insiders crowd the entrance to the room so new people have to weave their way inside. Have regulars sit on the end of the rows so you have to struggle over people to get to the open seats.

2) Draw attention to the visitors in the crowd – single them out, or better yet make them stand up. Give them a sticker to affix to their suit jacket so over-eager-church-kids can pounce on them the second the service lets out.

3) Have the worship leader say something like, “you guys know this one.” – because at least part of your crowd at an entry-level program won’t. “Everyone” doesn’t know this one, and they probably don’t know John 3:16 either.

4) Tell Bible jokes – nothing is funnier than the Italian prophet Malachi. Or that Second Corinthains is easy to find because it comes after First Corinthians. Bible jokes are (arguably, even then) funny to people who know the Bible. Visitors might not even own one.

5) Keep insider stuff insider – don’t make the next step clear. Have visitors play a game to try to understand how to join the group. Hide information from outsiders.

Hmmm … noticed I have a sharper tone than usual today. Oh well.

What if we tried:

• warm, casual greeters smiling and happy to meet everyone.
• letting visitors be anonymous if they want to be. When they’re ready, make sure they can easily and intuitively find community if they want it.
• keeping worship songs clear and easy to sing to. Assume nothing.
• making sure the message was understandable. Offer to give people who don’t have a Bible one for free.
• making the next step after this service crystal clear. Point out where the restrooms are. Have sign-up sheets handy. Don’t be so surprised when someone accepts Christ and wants to get baptized.

JG