expectations | More Than Dodgeball

Josh GriffinMore Posts Go + Go + Go = Burnout!

How many of these statements describe you?
• You pride yourself on working 50+ hours a week at the church.
• You frequently miss personal and family events and cancel plans with friends.
• You say, “Let me just finish this one thing” all the time.
• You check email after midnight and/or the second you wake up.
• Your kids have to holler at you—several times—to get you to look up from your laptop.

Believe me, this is a test you don’t want to ace. You need a break. You need to “go dark” once in a while. It’s not good to be “on” all the time. Two reasons we resist this are:

1. Unhealthy expectations. Often we don’t turn it off because our senior pastor or supervisor doesn’t let us—or at least that’s what we think. We assume overworking is a sign of good job performance, when it really drives us to a dangerous place and perpetuates unreasonable expectations. If you manage others, set an example by going home on time. If you’re job-hunting, inquire about typical work habits. And if you’re in a bad situation, get out or nudge the culture toward health.

2. Brokenness. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-importance, even outright arrogance. Will the world really fall apart if you miss youth group one week? It feels nice to be noticed when you’re gone, but we take it too far. Pray that God will help you fight against personal insecurities and mold your heart into healthy balance.

There’s hope, but it starts with some tough changes. See below for a few tips for fighting back against unhealthy expectations and brokenness.

Go + Stop + Go = Health!
• First, pray for your heart and health.
• Start every day in time with God.
• Track your hours and see where you can gain back some time.
• Take a day off every week.
• Turn off email alerts on your day off.
• Don’t bring your laptop home.
• Limit the number of nights you’re away from home each week.
• Find a hobby that fills you up.
• Have a frank conversation with your boss about hours and expectations.
• Practice saying no.
• Schedule vacation time right now for the next two years.
• Invite accountability in this area.

Originally appeared in the Sept/Oct 2012 issue of Group Magazine. Don’t get the magazine yet? Hit this link to subscribe and get in on the action today!

Add Comment December 5, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts If You Expect Excellence … You Have to Equip People

Recently I realized that if I am expecting excellence from someone … they need to have the tools to get there.

In youth ministry that isn’t always easy or sometimes possible – often we make do with ministry hand-me-downs and meet in youth rooms made from the old converted sanctuary. But when you expect excellence from your people, make sure you’ve done your best to equip them.

Want great small group leaders? Make sure your training is thorough and complete. Include supplemental trainings via email or video when you see a gap in their preparedness.
Want to develop some great teachers? Invite them into your prep process and allow them to be a part of the debrief and evaluation process afterward.
Want to raise up the next youth pastor in your church? Give him/her the books and resources to read and a place to dialogue what they are learning.
Want great videos? Make sure your volunteer has access to a great camera and a fast machine to edit on.

Too often we just expect people to be great … without ever doing the hard work of clearing the path to greatness. You can’t ask them to create the world without giving them a paintbrush. This week look for some places where you have expectations that aren’t being met and see if there is a gap in helping someone realistically get there.

JG

1 View Comments September 5, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Managing Expectations Part 2: Parents

Last week I wrote about the need to manage the expectations of our students so that we can avoid leaving them disappointed or frustrated by unmet needs that they have of our time, teaching and their taste. We get pulled in a lot of directions and its unavoidable that we are not going to appease everyone so its important that we are proactive in our approach, especially to parents.

With parents its important to manage their expectations, especially the ones who think that since their tithe pays for salary, that they can tell you what to do and assume that you are doing very little.

Time: Students covet your time, and parents covet your time for their children. We have all been there, when a parent calls and asks if you would spend some “Pastoral” time with their student who has gone astray. For some its reactive and some its proactive, but the calls are coming and sometimes it can be a lot to deal with and schedule. In a ministry that has small group leaders, its vital that we be open to meeting with students, but help parents understand the importance of the relationship students have with their small group leaders is. I love meeting up with students, but when the culture shifts to one where the small group leader is having those meetings, you are not only able to multiply the ministry, but you have facilitated a much more sustainable relationship.

Teaching: I really do like when parents care about what we are teaching, but I am not sure about you, but I have a few parents have an expectation that we would teach would teach their students the entire Bible in the 3-6 years that we have them in our program. If her daughter has not have a full understanding of the Old Testament genealogies, am I really cut out to be a Pastor? The reality is that this is just not possible. Our aim is to teach God’s word to our students, help them understand how to read it and how the Bible continues to intersect their lives today.

Taste: This is easily the hardest thing for me to reconcile because the fact is that despite each of our best efforts to avoid this, there are students who will just not stick at our program. The hard part is that they might be kids who have been in the church for years and come to youth and never feel that it’s a place that they can go. We do out best to let parents know up front that we will make effort to help their students connect, develop relationship and land in a small group that will cultivate their student’s spiritual growth but our best and most intentional efforts are sometimes not enough.
Parents need to hear that we care deeply about their students and that we are concerned about cultivating a culture where students grow in relationship with Jesus and each other. There are a lot of expectations on us as youth workers, some expressed and others not and the more we can do to be proactive at managing and speaking to them, them more positive and healthy our relationship will be with the whole family.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? Send it on over.

Add Comment March 10, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Managing Expectations Part 1: Students

When I was a kid, I remember making my parents pretty frustrated from time to time and they would say many different things as a result, but not one of those words had more impact than the big D and I don’t mean Dallas (country music joke) I mean DISAPPOINTED. That word just seems to cut so deep and I just hate disappointing my wife, my family, and my students. Its unavoidable but being proactive to manage the expectations that students have of you will go a long way to feeling the wrath of the D word.

Here are a few areas that you can help students to develop reasonable expectations of you and the youth group so that we can under-promise and over deliver.

Time: Believe it or not, you do sleep, and you do not sleep at the Church. There is a limit to what you can do and how much time you have to spend with students and leaders. We probably all have what you can bluntly refer to as a “time suck” student who would love to spend every possible moment hanging out. Students in general covet face time with their leaders. The thing we need to help students understand is that they are unique, awesome and fearfully and wonderfully made, but so are the other 50 students in your group. Helping students realize that they are important, but are also 1 of your ___ students is important. Make the most of the time you spend with students but manage their expectations on how often and for how long you will meet.

Teaching: After disappointment, the next scariest D word that I have heard from a youth is “Deeper” — the magical land of greater knowledge, that is completely relative to each person’s own lived experience and previous learning, YIKES! We have our students for about 1/200^th of their waking hours in a week, so its imperative that we help them realize that there is a limit to what we can teach them, and the limit to depth which we can go with such a narrow window of time. Ultimately they need to own the frequency and value of their spiritual disciplines and through that come depth of relationship with Christ. Having reasonable expectations of this will help them see that they own this process more than they are owed this process.

Taste: Try as you might, you are never going to make all students happy with your youth program. One week might be too fun, the next too serious, another might have too many new worship songs, or not enough small group time. I have heard every complaint known to youth pastors but here is the way we are trying to explain it to our students who express a dislike for what ever we served up that night. Imagine you are hosting a dinner party for 100 people, and you have to feed them something. You plan the meal, with foods that you feel most people would like, in fact 80% will probably really enjoy. It’s fresh, well prepared and good for you too! But the truth is that 20% of the people might not like what you are serving and some might not say, and others might flat out tell you. What we are trying to build into our students is that even though you might not like what was served, how great is it that 100 people are eating together and how amazing is it that for some, this is most nutritious meal they have ever had.

Helping your students have reasonable expectations of you and the youth group will go a long way to building a new generation of adults in the Church that are focused what they can do to invest in their relationship with God instead of placing blame on the Church for short comings in their faith.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

Add Comment March 6, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts Youth Ministry is a Calling of Extremes

Not long ago, we were chatting it up with a couple of students who had expressed interest in being youth pastors. Our conversation ran through various aspects of youth work when it hit us: youth ministry is a calling of extremes. If you’re new to the gig, you might not feel it just yet — but ask anyone who has been doing it for a while and they’ll tell you it is true.

Extreme schedule
In youth ministry there is no such thing as a typical week. Quite often every day is completely different from the last. This summer alone I (Kurt) ran from event to mission trip to vacation to camp to … I don’t even remember what came next because the schedule was so extreme. It was even busier for Josh…in addition to all the youth ministry stuff, he had to schedule time play video games, watch Star Wars and snack on pretzels.

Extreme emotion
Youth ministry lives on both ends of the emotional continuum. I’ve (Josh) been sitting with students laughing my head off about something one minute, and get a phone call about one of my students being in a terrible car accident the next. Youth workers are there when things are extremely good and when things are extremely bad.

Extreme salary
Youth ministry pays extreme. Extremely little.

Extremely critical age
Youth ministry is focused on what may be the most critical age group in our churches — when students are figuring themselves and their faith out and parents are at the most challenging point in relating to them. We ask these students to give over total control of their life to Jesus . We invite students to be baptized, to demonstrate their faith to their friends, family and the world at the time when peer-pressure and image are the most crucial in their life. That’s some extreme stuff!

Extreme expectations
There’s a lot of pressure on youth workers — from senior pastors, staff, parents and largely from the person who is the hardest on you: yourself.

Extreme hours, extreme emotions, extreme work. Youth ministry pushes everything to the limit. So why in the world would anyone want to do it? Seems like a nice, safe, well-paying nine-to-five job in an air conditioned office is more what most people look for in life, not this.

Why? Because of the extreme fulfillment. We wouldn’t want to do anything else. You?

This post was written by Josh Griffin and Kurt Johnston and originally appeared as part of Simply Youth Ministry Today free newsletter. Subscribe to SYM Today right here.

1 View Comments September 23, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: 4 Non-Negotiable Small Group Leader Expectations

We have pretty high expectations of the leaders in our student ministry as I have written about previously and it’s to the benefit of our students and the effectiveness of the small groups that we do it. We are beginning process of review and meeting with all our leaders from this year and asking them to consider whether or not they want to lead next year. Many will remain and a few will leave, but those returning will hear 4 criteria that we ask them to sign off on doing week in and week out for the next school year.

Commit: This is the foundation of all of it, asking leaders to be there every week, present and engaged with their students. It’s a big ask, but worth it when leaders honor it. We fully recognize that there are circumstances that might cause a leader to miss a week, but asking them to make mentoring high school students a priority means that they will be far more diligent about being there. Sporadic attendance from a leader can be the death of a small group, as momentum, trust and relationships are lost, not only that it can really be detrimental to other leaders as well, who have to pick up the slack or lead two groups.

Call: This might be the toughest thing to get leaders to do regularly, but calling their students is so important. That mid-week phone call tells a student they are wanted, memorable and worth the effort. It might be the best part of their week, even if the awkwardness of the conversation might indicate otherwise. Calling students is more important than leaders realize, the fruit of which is regular youth group attendance and a closer relationship with their leader. We ask our leaders to set aside an hour per week to call all the members of their small group.

Pray: We ask our leaders to pray for their students and when they call them, ask what they can pray for them about and let them know they do pray for them each week. Put yourself in the shoes of a high school student and someone you respect greatly, calls you each week to see how they can pray for you. That is powerful stuff!

Prepare: We give our leaders curriculum each and every week, but we ask that they read it, know it, study the word and come prepared to teach it. There are few things worse than an ill prepared small group leader stumbling through the questions and fumbling through their bible in front of their group as they are seeing it for the first time. Leaders need to lead their group and being prepared is a key part of that.

These are four non-negotiable expectations we have and you could add more but I chose to focus on these four because they have a tremendous impact on the student’s spiritual growth. Its important that we see ourselves as the advocates for our students needs, and what our students need are leaders who are willing do these things, and do them consistently well.

What are your non-negotiables?

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

Add Comment June 26, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts 7 More Expectations of Summer Camp Volunteers

I posted 5 camp leader expectations earlier in the week – here are the remaining seven expectations for Summer Camp volunteers. We had an amazing camp volunteer leader meeting this past week – and leave for camp in eight days!

Follow the Rules and Enforce the Rules
Students will always look to leaders to see how far they can push the rules. It is important that you are following the rules as well as enforcing them.

Respect the Staff and Campus
Please respect the campus and the camp staff. If the camp staff asks you to do something…please do it…and make sure your students are do the same.

Model Christianity
Possibly our greatest ministry is modeling what Christianity is all about. This will happen through our love for them, our passion over our relationship with God, our attitude, and through our servant heart.

Know Where Your Students Are
You are responsible for knowing where the students from your cabin are at all times. Whenever you sit down for a meal or show up for an activity do a quick head count to make sure they are all there…and go find them if they are not. Unless it says optional next to an activity on the schedule, every student should be at every activity.

Be On Time
Please help your cabin be on time to all meals and events. We have created a schedule for a reason and with such a large group even one cabin being late can throw something off.

Stick to Ministering to Your Same Gender
If you are a male you need to be ministering to male students and if you are a female you need to be ministering to female students. That doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with students of the opposite gender, but MOST of your time should be spent with students who are of your same gender.

No Pranks. No Exceptions.
Everyone likes to have fun, but when one person starts a prank the next person always takes it to another level. We want our students to have a good time. It is possible to have fun and be relational without wedgies, licorice slapping, excessive AXE body spray, nakedness, handcuffs, and stuffing small freshman in a duffle bag. Please help us protect our students, our ministry, and the integrity of our church.

JG

7 View Comments June 26, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts 9 Expectations of Summer Interns

Today 2 of our 3 summer interns started in our High School Ministry, and we had a little orientation this morning going over a few basics. Here’s some of what we covered:

1. Know what is on your calendar before you come in for the day.
We live and die by our calendars in the office. Nothing throws you off more than forgetting about a meeting. Also, summer events don’t always allow you to run home and change. Outlook is a super important tool we really value in our culture.

2. Expect to be at all HSM events.
We do a lot of “all hands on deck” type of events. If you’re not sure, ASK, but the answer is probably yes.

3. Have a good attitude.
Your attitude is contagious! If you don’t have a good attitude, it can hurt the team. Be sure to take time for yourself to read, relax and refresh.

4. Know what is expected of you on the weekend.
Be on time – help set up – greet volunteers – jump in where needed – sit with students during the service – please don’t stand in the back!

5. You are responsible for your emails, voicemails, and texts.
One of the biggest complaints about our church is the lack of response to a phone call. So check your messages often and return them in a timely manner — no more than 24 hours late is the goal. Make sure take care of Pastoral Care issues immediately!

6. Communicate where you are going and when you will be back.
There is no such thing as over communicating and don’t ever assume someone knows where you are. Keep JG in the loop at all times. OK, you can go to the bathroom without telling him, we guess.

7. NEVER say “I don’t know” – ALWAYS say “Let me find out”.
Try and know the basics about every event on the calendar (location, price, times) and walk with the student or parent to get the information rather then sending them to find it. Also, make sure you listen to the person that did have the answer – then next time you won’t have to ask.

8. Know that everything can change at ANY moment.
We know this one is hard – you just have to go with it. There will be things you work on that don’t get used – hold everything with a loose grip.

9. Ask questions.
A lot of them. Why we do things? How we do things? What if we did things a different way? Even if it is to confirm what you already know… please ask questions!