family ministry | More Than Dodgeball

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Parent Ministry Resources

Parents Ministry, Family Ministry, or Inter-generational Ministry whatever you want to call it seems to be the hot button topic in youth ministry today. From mega churches who are learning about it to smaller country churches who have been doing it forever but want to get a fresh perspective on it, we all cannot debate it’s place in our job description or its value on the spiritual development of our students.

While there are many different theories and strategies out there, I’ll give you an insight to one that has taken off at our church. When I hold a parents meeting I cannot get more than three or four sets of parents there at the same time. So the nifty resources I get for them only make it in the hands of a few parents. So how to get the other parents resourced became a priority. So I designed a nice looking resource table, placed it in the church foyer, and since then I cannot keep the resources on the table. I could make guesses as to why it works, our parents want help but they want it anonymously or they don’t want the other parents thinking they don’t have it all together but the fact of the matter is the resources are going out with great results. I’ve had a ton of parents call me to discuss this or that from a book or article so as long as its working I’m good with that.

In case you were wondering what the top resources are at our church, here ya go:

1: “A Parents Guide to Understanding Teenage Brains” by Mark Oestreicher (by far the most grabbed book on the table. I cannot keep this one stocked up!)
2: “A Parents Guide to Understanding Teenage Girls” by Mark Oestreicher and Brooklyn Lindsey
3: “A Parents Guide to Understanding Teenage Guys” by Mark Oestreicher and Brock Morgan
4: “99 Thoughts for Parents of Teenagers” by Walt Mueller
5: “A Parents Guide to Understanding Social Media” by Mark Oestreicher and Adam McLane
6: CPYU Digital Kids Initiative Articles by Walt Mueller and CPYU (I print one up a month, put it in handout format, and make copies)

The key to this idea, like anything in ministry is the follow up. When I talk to a parent I ask them if they grabbed any resources lately and if they say yes I ask which one they’ve enjoyed and we talk about it. Plus all of our parents know if they have any questions with the resources that I am always there to help.

Kevin Patterson is the youth pastor at Dawson Springs First Baptist Church in Dawson Spring, KY. Be sure to check out http://www.lifeintheymfishbowl.blogspot.com/ to regularly get in on his learnings, too!

3 View Comments February 24, 2013

Josh GriffinMore Posts Youth Ministry in 2013

Thought that Greg Stier wrote a solid post to kickoff the New Year – here’s a clip from his post, 5 Reasons I’m Excited About Youth Ministry in 2013 that I think is worth the read:

1. A lack of budget triggers a more mature approach to youth ministry.
The value of a strained US economy is that smaller church offerings can lead to tighter youth ministry budgets. Before you call me crazy remember that a smaller youth ministry budget can lead to less goofiness and more seriousness when it comes to youth ministry programming. And that’s a good thing.

God has blessed me with the privilege of leading a ministry called Dare 2 Share for the last twenty years. We train teenagers to share their faith all across the country. Because much of our income is donor related when “The Great Recession” hit in 2008 we had to cut staff, slash programs and sharpen our focus. While these were challenging times God has used it in powerful ways to make us more serious and strategic about a much more singular mission. The same can happen for youth ministries that get their budget slashed. Sometimes a “fiscal cliff” becomes a bridge to a more mature approach to youth ministry. Less sizzle, more steak.

4. Youth ministry and family integrated ministry find their groove…together!
There is a battle in many churches over the role of the traditional youth ministry model and the family integrated model (moms and dads discipling their own children.) It seems to me that there is a “best of both worlds” solution that some youth ministries are starting to tap into. The power of parents leaning into the spiritual development of their own children combined with a setting where teenagers can relate to other teenagers spiritually could be the model that catapults youth ministry to the next level. The more spiritually mature adults who are willing to mentor their children/teens and other children/teens the better! This should happen at home and church! The youth leaders who are seeing the power of Titus 2 (older women mentoring young women/older men mentoring young men) should do nothing more than accelerate the mission of the youth leader and godly parents. Sure, there will still be the “our way is the only way“ people, but, most youth leaders should be able to merge the power of both approaches into their youth ministry models.

JG

Add Comment January 3, 2013

Josh GriffinMore Posts 5 Questions with Brian Berry

Brian Berry is a youth worker and author of the just-released book, As for Me and My [Crazy] House from Group Publishing and Simply Youth Ministry. Brian was kind enough to answer a few questions for the blog!

Tell us about your new book, As for Me and My [Crazy] House!

It’s a book that flows from my everyday crazy life. I’m just your average guy who is sincerely trying to follow Jesus, love his wife, and raise his kids to love Jesus in the midst of being a full-time youth pastor. I’ve been a youth pastor in 2 churches for a total of 18 years and I’ve been married for about that same amount of time. I’m also parenting 5 kids: a freshman, 6th grade, and 4th grade sons along with 3rd grade twins: a son and the only daughter of our family.

Several years ago I felt like God spoke to me as I was praying for my marriage and I wrote down three sentences that flowed from that experience. This book is built around them, each taking up about a 1/3 of the book. They are:

the best gift I can give my marriage is a healthy me.
the best gift I can give my kids is a healthy marriage.
the best gift I can give my ministry and community is a healthy family.

What is your favorite story from the book? Were there any stories cut or deemed too far over the line?

Here’s one from the second chapter that still makes me laugh: “When our boys were little, they found great joy in naked running. No, we didn’t raise them in a nudist colony, but that didn’t stop them from running naked wherever they could. Change a diaper without a new one ready to go, and they’d likely break free running naked. Give them a bath, get mostly dry, and sprinting naked would often ensue. They evidently found great joy and laughter in the hilarity of naked feet slapping the floor and unrestricted movement of clothing-
free moments. We often would joke and call out ‘NAKED PARADE’ as they went by laughing. We even have a child who, if you sent him to the bathroom, would strip naked to poop. We called him the Naked Pooper. Thankfully, he only did this at home.”

Um, lots of stories were cut to keep the thing at a level I’d be willing to read myself. As for too far over the line… sure, but if I printed it here I’d be in trouble too Take me out for coffee and we’ll swap ridiculous stories.

That’s awesome – you’re on for coffee. Have you got a failure story from parenting just to prove you’re human?

A few months ago at Christmas we were shopping in the mall. We decided to stop and go to dinner. After we were done, we headed to the bookstore next door. We were in there for a good 15 minutes when this random lady walks up to us and says, “Hey, did I see you guys eating next door?” We said, “Yes, that was us.” Then she said, “Um, I think you left your daughter in there and she’s confused and crying.” We looked around and much to our horror, discovered Becky wasn’t with us. She’d gone to the bathroom and we left without her. Now, every time she goes to the bathroom at a restaurant she makes everyone at the table tell her we won’t leave without her before she’ll go.

I recently wanted to take my kids with me to Mexico to serve with our high school team and I had all 4 boys in my truck. I met the students and leaders at church and then discovered I had miscounted and I was 1 seat short. So I had to call my wife to come and get one of my kids. I won the loser dad of the year award that day.

do I need to go on?… this is getting painful.

Hahhaah … OK. So what would you say to the youth worker who doesn’t have a family yet, but wants to prepare for one well?

Rock on. Being married and raising kids is awesome and a joy. But it’s hard. Maybe the hardest thing you’ll ever try and do.

Getting married or having a kid will change your life, it just won’t change you. If you have trouble saying no or keeping your priorities straight between marriage and ministry now, a family will only compound the problem, not solve it. I honestly believe that the best gift you can give to your marriage and even to your kids is a healthy you. It all starts there. So take a good long look in the mirror, invite God to speak, and keep working on being the man or woman of God you’ve been created to be. Then when a spouse or kids are added to the mix, they’ll be so stoked you are who you are… most of the time

What is the key to balancing a great youth ministry life and a great family life?

Honestly, there is no key… or at least I haven’t found it. And if you read this book you’ll find out I actually think balance is a myth that we should rethink all together.

So to that end, I don’t have all the answers nor can I guarantee success. I don’t know how to do that and I’m not sure God even grants us that. But I can tell you I’m in the trenches with you in this. So I guess I’d say: take care of your soul, love your spouse, be a parent, and be a youth worker. In that order. That’s the road I’m on, and the only one I know how to write about and share with you. My conviction is that its also the path that has the greatest chance of landing myself, my marriage, my family, and my ministry in the will of God.

Thanks, Brian! And you can pick up Me and My Crazy House today!

JG

3 View Comments March 16, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts 3 Lessons from 2 Very Difficult Funerals

Last week I did two of the most difficult funerals I’ve ever done in my life. They were both high profile deaths in our community (you can read about them here and here), and after some reflection I thought I would share a couple of learnings from performing both ceremonies:

Funerals are heavy and humbling
There is never a good time for a funeral – but they are an unforgettable gift to a family in crisis. They are one of the heaviest aspects of pastoral care a pastor is called to do. I’ve felt it the past couple of weeks. It isn’t easy, but you have the chance to walk through a dark place with the family and show them God’s light. This is why you are here. Thank God that He has allowed you to be trusted with this.

Funerals are an incredible opportunity to share Jesus
Without a doubt, having a platform to give comfort and hope to people in need is the most fulfilling part of carrying such a heavy burden. Pointing them to Jesus Christ and the Good News is central to a funeral message. I do my best to share John 14 in every service, even if the person you are eulogizing wasn’t a Christian.

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. ⁴ And you know the way to where I am going.” “No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. John 14:1-6 NLT

Funerals are the beginning of a relationship with the family
A funeral is not intended to be the end of a relationship with the family – they are just the beginning. Often times members of the family will need additional counseling or help possibly navigating the future ahead without their loved ones. By performing the funeral, you are now an honorary member of the family and can help them in the days, weeks and maybe even years ahead.

JG

2 View Comments June 29, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts Simply Youth Ministry Podcast: Episode 156

Its that time again. Doug Fields, Matt McGill, Katie Edwards, and Josh Griffin are here to answer your questions. After a discussion of Cracker Barrel Diners, Drive Thru and Dash (Doug almost got it right), and other places to eat while traveling, the gang jumps into your questions. Topics include: A special needs followup, new believers as volunteers, volunteer motivation, adding to your job description, family ministry, steak dinners, students attending multiple youth groups, and whats most vital in your ministry.

JG

2 View Comments March 29, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts Life Group Parent Reception and Prayer Night

Tuesdays and Wednesday were our first nights of small groups this Fall – each year we have an informal “meet n greet” where parents meet the small group leader and feel comfortable heading into the new year. Students pick up their resources for the year and hang out with their leader and hang out together.

After about 30 minutes, we asked parents to come outside for a short reception and let the student groups continue to get to know each other a little better. We brought the parents out for a quick 15-minute fellowship time, with soft drinks and a short time of prayer for the leaders and their students. It was really something special to be a part of – I think we’ll do it again next year!

JG