What is it about youth ministry that makes it seem like it’s always a game of shadows for so many of us? I just went out to finally see Sherlock Holmes 2 with two of the guys from our middle school ministry. After begging my wife to go with me since it came out, I finally gave up and took initiative on my own. As a side note, in case my wife reads this, it’s not her fault she never took me up on it as my invitations were always unplanned and spontaneous, and that doesn’t really work with an eight month old child. All this, however, is simply semantics. The movie was as good as I had hoped it to be, but as I drove home after dropping off the two guys it hit me: I’m pretty sure I’ve been involved in a game of shadows in my youth ministry this past year.

I’ve really discovered a lot over the past few months. One of the biggest discoveries came recently when it hit me that I’ve been sucked into the most common traps of youth ministry this side of the Mississippi. It started without even a warning. I simply looked around at all the programs, exciting events, and cool activities going on within our church and thought, “Wow, that’s what positive ministry looks like”.

I began brainstorming, and watched as ideas poured forth from my head onto my white board. Each one looked more brilliant then the last. As I did this, I convinced myself that my motivation was right. I thought, “These shiny new programs and events are what will help create the opportunities for relationships and sharing Christ.

Truth is, all I really did was fill up my plate-as well as the plates of those who VOLUNTEERED to minister along side of me. At the end of the year I found my self chasing hard towards an impressive looking ministry. The problem was I would leave at the end of these events wondering, “is this really the way it’s supposed to be?”.  Sure, there were tons of students, lots of growth, and loads of fun, but for what purpose?

I look back and wish for the opportunity to do less, but mean more! I am determined to change things around. This game of shadows will confuse me no more. I am resolved to have a ministry driven by purpose. Not just any purpose, but the ONE purpose to which I am called. A Mathew 28 purpose.

Here’s the point: it’s so easy to get trapped by the pace of ministry, the lure of a dynamic program, and constant increase of numbers. It’s good to have a paced ministry, but be sure that the pace is one that ministers not only to students but also your family and yourself. It’s great to have a dynamic program, but understand, it’s not about you, your job, or your own personal success. It’s about making Christ’s name famous.

Lastly, let’s talk numbers. We hear this stuff all the time, and I realize that, but had it not grabbed me so easily I wouldn’t talk about it.

The reality is, Christ will draw people to himself, and He doesn’t need our help. He has invited us into his work, and wants us to be a part of it, but it’s His show. Listen to this carefully, numbers are a sign of positive Christ centered ministry, but not the sign. The power of the Gospel will draw students to it so don’t be so enthralled with numerical growth that it becomes the driving factor for your decision making as a leader. Let the Gospel of Christ lead, and be thankful for the way in which He uses you! Don’t be distracted by the youth ministry game of shadows.

Eric Upton is the Middle School Pastor at Bridgeway Christian Church and you can follow him on Twitter or roll over to his Tumblr here if you dare.

As student minister’s one thing we have to always strive for is to be a perpetual student of our craft. We can never know too much about youth ministry. This is one thing that I defiantly do not have a problem with. No matter what I have done in my life I always threw myself into it full force. When I played drums in band in high school I studied, not only in school, but on my own. I listen to instructional by well known drummers at the time, I went to drum clinics, and dissected drums solos by popular drummers. When I joined the Army as a Military Police officer, I took baton instructor classes, correspondence courses, and unarmed self defense training. As youth ministers we must constantly be students of our own art. How do we do that? Here are some quick sources for training!

1: The Bible: I know I know, you’ve heard it a million times but that doesn’t make it any less true. The better your relationship with God the better off your ministry is.

2: Blogs: The cheapest form of training out there! Find a youth ministry mentor such as Josh Griffin at morethandodgeball.com, Doug Fields’ Blog, Stephanie Caro’s blog, or even my own at lifeintheymfishbowl.com. Want find great ideas to try? Read a blog. Want training on ideas to help grow your youth group? Read a Blog. Also there are non blog websites out there that are great. One I love is youthministry.com. Great articles and great ideas.

3: Certificates: Many colleges offer online youth minister training for a small price. Plus you get a handy certificate to hang up on the wall. Another place to check out is youthsphere.tv. This site offers a great certificate and great training under the giants of youth ministry.

4: Group Magazine: Some of the best youth ministry ideas delivered to your door once every two months. Nuff said!

5: Other youth ministers: Your local youth minister’s network is a great source of training. You can pick up great life lessons while sitting down for a cup of coffee.

6: Youth Minister’s support networks: many denominations offer great youth minister support networks who can offer great advice and ideas.

7: Conferences: I’ve often heard conferences called the poor man’s seminary. That’s about the truth. With SYMC coming up you have the option of the large conference and it’s many options but also don’t over look the smaller local conferences that are out there, if money is an issue.

8: College: This option is not for everyone, but if you feel like God is calling you for a deeper commitment this is a great option. I’m currently enrolled online for a degree with a Student Ministry emphasis. There are many great colleges that offer Youth Ministry Masters degrees also many Seminaries that offer degrees with youth ministry minors.

9: Books: Some of the best training I’ve ever received was through two books, “Purpose Driven Youth Ministry” and “My First Two Years in Youth Ministry” both by Doug Fields. Books are the best way to glean ideas from well renowned youth ministers. Not just Doug but many giants of youth ministry have published books that are great training resources.

10: Last but not least: This one may strike you as odd…..your senior pastor. I know your thinking “He did not just say I could get training from the old man/woman” Yep I went there! Some of our senior pastors were youth ministers once. They can be great resources for ideas and wonderful sounding blocks. I was thinking about revamping our “Sunday School” class and asked our senior pastor what he thought. Low and behold we had the same idea and he had many small details that I hadn’t pondered.

If you look around there are many great resources out there for youth ministers to learn from. We really have no excuse to not stay on top of our game. You owe it to you church, your kids, and yourself to be the most well trained youth minister you can be.

Kevin Patterson is the youth pastor at Dawson Springs First Baptist Church in Dawson Spring, KY. Be sure to check out http://www.lifeintheymfishbowl.blogspot.com/ to regularly get in on his learnings, too!

Have you ever really messed up? I mean, completely blown it. I have and I thought there is no way to recover from this one. I have finally figured out that it is okay to mess up and fail! Congratulations, you didn’t do it!

The great thing about failing is that it is not the end result. It is part of the process. Another element in life. For instance, Abraham Lincoln’s resume:

• 1831 – Lost his job
• 1832 – Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
• 1833 – Failed in business
• 1834 – Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
• 1835 – Sweetheart died
• 1836 – Had nervous breakdown
• 1838 – Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
• 1843 – Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
• 1846 – Elected to Congress (success)
• 1848 – Lost re-nomination
• 1849 – Rejected for land officer position
• 1854 – Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
• 1856 – Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
• 1858 – Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
• 1860 – Elected President (success)

Not great. Obviously not all those events were his fault but they could have caused him to quit trying.

So, if you feel like nothing is going right….then you are on the right track. It doesn’t matter if the failure is in marriage, work, ministry, or faith. You aren’t finished yet, so if you want to go from suck to success, you only need one step. Get back up and keep trying.

Jeremy Bloom is trying to figure out life, God, and family. Follow him on Twitter – @finding_jeremy or on his blog about youth ministry.

We often discuss church growth or student ministry growth. This is a topic of conversation for good reason, because we all are interested in building our student ministry. Here are a few reasons why your student ministry may never grow:

1. Lack of Prayer – This is the biggest part of growth. You must daily pray and ask God to build your student ministry. You must be praying for your ministry to grow. Do not expect any growth (or perhaps the wrong kind of growth) if you are not daily praying over your ministry. Bathe it in prayer, and trust God for the growth.
2. Lack of communicating clear vision – This is often times that the biggest problem with growth. You have to regularly communicate vision to the people. It must constantly be in front of the people. Then, you must live out the vision. “If your church does not know where it is supposed to be, then, they will attempt to go everywhere and eventually wind up nowhere.”
3. Leadership – Ultimately, it could be a reflection on YOU. Make sure you are a passionate leader. Make sure you are living the Word. Make sure that you are carrying out the vision and communicating it clearly to your people.
4. Selfishness – This can be a reflection upon leadership and the people. Sometimes, God may want to take the church in a place where you do not want to go, but you are still responsible for going in that direction. Do not be selfish and want the church to be what you want. Also, your people must not be selfish in trying to create the church that they want to have. It is not about us, but all about Him.
5. Energy – If you fill the leadership with energy-less people, you will create a energy-less congregation. Be energetic and passionate, and the congregation will follow suit. Create a load of energy every service for the people to desire to come back.

Let’s make sure that we are doing everything that we can to grow our ministry!

Josh Evans is the student pastor at Union Grove Baptist Church in the Winston Salem, NC area. He has been a mentor and pastor to students for 4 years. You can connect further with Josh on his blog or send him a direct email at joshhevans@gmail.com.

You have a porn problem in your youth group whether you know it or not. High school, junior high, college—it’s present at every age. No longer do students have to go looking for porn, because in today’s age, porn comes looking for them. It might not be an easy topic for most students to talk about, and you may need to find a different way to communicate with students in your group, but it’s a topic that needs to be discussed.

Over the past couple months, we have both taken a week to meet with our junior high and high school small groups to discuss God’s view of porn, how to avoid and battle the temptation, and open the door to conversation. Here are some things we did right, and also some things that we learned from:

·     Make sure all your students are there—especially the ones you know need to hear it most. Both times we had this discussion, there were key students that needed to be there and didn’t show up. This could have been planned or not, but either way it’s important to encourage everyone to be there.

·     Don’t wait. If possible, start the conversation as early as possible. Make sure your students have a comfort level with you, and make sure they know they’re in a safe place. Once that’s established, you’re in the clear. The longer you wait, the more the struggle can root itself.

·     Let them know they’re not the only ones that struggle with it. One of the things I did when having this discussion was made all my guys put their heads down and raise their hand if porn was a struggle for them. 8 out of 9 raised their hand, so I told the group about it. That brings a huge relief factor for the guys, knowing they’re not alone.

·     Use Scripture, but don’t go overboard. You don’t want to hit your students over the head with Bible verses about how lust and porn are bad, but they do need to know what God says.

·     Encourage accountability. XXXchurch.com and their web accountability tool, X3Watch, are GREAT resources for your students. It encourages accountability with someone they trust, which is the best tool for overcoming the temptation of porn.

While it may seem like a daunting task, you can start the discussion to change the course of a student’s struggle with porn. Let God guide your words, and expect him to guide the discussion.

Matt Reynolds and Steven Orel are volunteer youth workers at Saddleback Church. They come from two different generations and work together to be a resource to other youth workers through their blog at GenToGenYM.com.

Last week I had the opportunity to sit down for lunch with the Youth Pastor whom I replaced after he was terminated after having an inappropriate relationship with a volunteer. I had not seen him in two and a half years since the week before his dismissal and it was a bit like seeing a ghost. Churches tend to make people in situations like that disappear under the guise of it being best for everyone. Truth be told I had not made any effort to see him, nor contact him until last week. Much of this lack of effort came out of my frustration with him for the harm it caused to our students, leaders and church. I was a volunteer leader in the ministry and have been journeying with our students through the process ever since.

As we sat down for lunch, I was encouraged to hear of the restoration process for him, working through the issues, for his family as they worked to build back what was lost. As we chatted I asked him, what advice he would give myself and other youth workers to avoid getting to the place that he did and here is what he said.

Don’t Give Your Students Everything: He did not have kids himself and in many ways him and his wife treated students and leaders as their own. Loved and cared for them, but what he realized is that he had given too much to the students, too much of himself, too much emotion, time and energy that his marriage and relationship at home got what little was left.

Protect Your Home: It’s so easy for your home to become a second ministry space where students can hang out. He said that making sure it was not youth room 2.0 and not prioritizing it as a family space first was a big mistake. The home is an intimate space, be mindful of that before allowing students especially of the opposite sex to be in your home when your spouse isn’t even if its in a group setting.

Keep Healthy Boundaries: He mentioned that in the midst of the relationship that ultimately ended his ministry he had kept very healthy boundaries with everyone else. He had noted the areas where there had been break downs in boundaries and made sure that they would not be repeated with others. Maintaining an open door policy in meeting with female students in the office, not meeting after hours or in private, not driving students alone were all areas where he had let his guard down and allowed for this to happen.

It Could Happen To You: This was the most powerful thing that came up in our conversation and it was a reality that I had come to recently, that anyone of us could end up there. At first I was so mad that he would do this, to his family, to the church, to the youth ministry that I had given 10 years of service to. But as I have moved into a ministry role myself, the reality is that each of us is a few poor choices away from being there too. For him it was little steps, letting firm boundaries become blurry, entering into an emotional relationship that eventually led to a physical one. When things are rough at home and people are showering you with affirmation and coveting your time at the church, it begins there.

He said it wasn’t until he was knee deep in the situation that he realized fully what had happened and that there was no way out, lying about it delayed his world crashing in for a short time. I often wondered how it went on so long, and he said he never thought it would just go away, but this held off the implosion that was to come for a season. He was a great Youth Pastor, loves Jesus, and never intended to throw away what he felt was his calling in life. Will he ever serve in ministry again? Not sure. But he is a constant reminder of how human we are, how sin can grab ahold of us, and how every day we have the opportunity to serve God in Youth Ministry and that we could just as easily throw it all away with a few poor choices.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

The worst part of summer camp? The crash! You squirrel kids away for a week, take away all their technology, and pump them full of nothing but Jesus and they conclude that week connected, hopeful, and holy.

A few weeks later….the camp-drug has been filtered out of their systems and the camp high is crash landing.

Conferences for youth workers can sometimes have the same aftermath. We attend; we spend a week away from ‘normal’. We take the wise counsel offered by Kurt, Josh, and other trusted youth workers to glean the most from our week ‘in the bubble.’ We go home. And after a few weeks of board meetings, parent confrontations, and pastoral smack-downs, our camp high has waned.

How do we make the conference experience more than a camp high?

1. Reflect. Journal. Blog. As God reveals truths to you, write them down. On days when you question His existence, those notes will be important to you!
2. Buy a CD or DVD from the sessions that impacted you most. On dark days, pull those out and revisit what was most inspiring to you.
3. Grab some downloads of sessions you wanted to catch, but had to miss because of scheduling (or napping!) Consider this your ‘nicotine patch’. Schedule some time every month to listen to a new session. Not only do you get continuing education year round, it’s sure to remind you what was best about the conference you attended as it sharpens you personally and professionally.
4. Continue the relationships you built through that week. (Yes, you should be building relationships throughout the week.) We’ve all watched those camp friendships go by the wayside a few weeks after camp has concluded. But with so many ways to stay connected, there’s no longer excuse for that. Maintain those relationships – maintain community.

I’ll confess. I’ve been in youth ministry for 23 years. (Yes….old.) I’ve been to at least 23 conferences. No one – NO ONE – does it like Simply Youth Ministry Conference. They embrace core values that really set them apart from every other educational experience I’ve ever had as a youth worker. That’s probably because they so skillfully intertwine education with relationship. I left that conference feeling valued, known, and understood. I left with ideas, tips, and truths that I am still applying today (3 years later.) I left with friendships that are deep and life-changing for me. I had never known a true connection with other youth workers until SYMC. (I’m going to blog some of those stories over the next two months!) After two decades of bouncing from conference to conference based largely on the quality of the brochure, I left with a commitment to return to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference annually.

Conferences no longer should be solely about playing a better game or building a better Bible study. You can get more than that. You can grab a year-long lifeline that pushes amazing education and training while embracing you, friending you, knowing you, and loving you. Go register….right now!

Darren is a veteran youth pastor (that’s code for old and in it for a long time) and co-founder of Millennial Influence – a resource for parents & youth pastors, including Mi Podcast – a weekly podcast for parents of teenagers. Check out his blog at http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.com/

Being intentional is a concept we are all familiar with in ministry, and more and more it is becoming a key aspect as we struggle to compete with the busyness of students lives. We value our student’s time greatly and know that we are competing against a lot of other activities that they could be doing. Since we know that a student carving out a 3-hour block of time to come to church is a big deal, we respond by making a big deal of our youth night. Part of making a big deal of our night is that we are intentional from start to finish and we have a reason for every element of the night. Here are a few reasons why you need to really intentional about everything:

For God: I believe that taking your weekly gathering of youth seriously is a priority. To steal a page from Doug Fields’ book Purpose Driven Youth Ministry, if something we do does not promote Worship, Discipleship, Service, Evangelism or Fellowship why are we doing it? This should be a primary consideration of every element of our youth program and all events and activities we put on. I am not sure that I want to stand before the Lord and say we did something “just ‘cause”, because as leaders that is not good enough. We need to point students to God at every opportunity, not just sometimes.

For Students: Modeling for students that every facet of our lives matters to God is important. We are not shy about explaining why we do what we do at our youth program and I think it is a great teachable moment when students ask. Our student’s time is valuable; and when we have them, we will always try and make the most of it. From start to finish our goal is provide them with opportunities to encounter God, to connect with a caring leader, to learn about Jesus and to Worship Him. Having a clear purpose of your youth ministry will benefit the spiritual growth of your students.

For Parents: Parents have been known to be critical of youth programs sometimes because the one they were a part of 30 years ago was not like “this”. For those parents I choose to be prepared when they start asking questions such as:

-Why is the Worship so loud?
-Why do you allow secular music to be played in the Church?
-Why do you allow saved and unsaved students in the same small groups? (Actual question!)
-We never had small groups on the same night
-Why don’t you play more games? We used to play dodgeball all the time.

It is pretty easy to defuse a parent when you have a reason for doing what you do. If they question an element of your program and you don’t have a rationale for why you do it they way you do, watch out. Parents may not agree with you, but will respect that you have thought about their concern before hand.

For the sake of supporting the vision that God has given you for your ministry, and for making the most of every opportunity that you have when your students are in the building, its vital that you have a reason and a rationale for every element of your youth night from the time the first student arrives until the last one gets picked up.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

I’ve been in various settings of youth ministry over the past decade. First as a student and later as a volunteer, intern, paid staff, and now, pastor. One term that gets thrown around a lot is the phrase “big” church. Over the years, it’s always seemed like a strange term and if I’m honest, not really one that I understand. The further I’ve come along in ministry, the phrase has moved from strange to bothersome. What does “big” church even mean? Is it a church where all of its members are extraordinarily taller or more obese than others? Though that presumption may sound ridiculous, I feel as if it makes just as much sense as what “big” church actually does describe. Let’s think for a moment…

“Big” Church is of course used to describe the adult population of a given church community. For example, the typical Sunday morning worship service in which most in the congregation are adults, regardless of age, may be called “big” church. I’m not sure where the term originated, but I’m sure it was in some separate, age-appropriate ministry years ago (most likely, a youth ministry). Though the term may seem harmless, simply being used to distinguish service times or groups within the church, I believe it presents several noteworthy problems in our church communities.

Vocabulary establishes culture…and culture is the most important aspect within a church (see Sam Chand’s Cracking Your Church’s Culture Code for more on this topic). Whether you realize it or not, there is a culture constantly being written within your church community. And it usually isn’t what’s written on the website or on the “vision” walls. Culture is inked with an invisible pen: the day-to-day interaction and relationships of the body, the church. Vocabulary is one of the biggest factors in this phenomenon. Think about the connotations of certain words you use on a daily basis and ask yourself how they affect you.

Without creating too long of a list, here’s some of the mindset I believe using “big” church creates:

In order to have “big” church, you have to assume that there’s also a “little” church. The people that say the term “big” church, are not the lead pastors or staff pastors (let’s hope not…), but usually kids, teenagers, or even volunteers within age-appropriate departments. The difference between “big” church and “little” church (youth group, kids church, etc.) goes several ways. Saying the term could create a mindset amongst younger kids or teenagers that they don’t matter (even if that usually isn’t the intention). It’s almost as if to say: “You’re too short to ride this roller-coaster.” When exactly does a person graduate to “big” church? Just by going to the Sunday morning service? It inevitably creates a sense of not feeling like one belongs any time there is interaction with older people. Furthermore, the term may cripple a child’s or student’s creativity or willingness to be involved in the greater church body. Why? Because that’s “big” church and you’re not ready for that yet.

The other side of the term is the most common, and unfortunately, the most poisonous. Again, though this insight may not be the intention, it creates an underlying culture. Saying “big” church produces an “us versus them” mentality. This is found primarily in youth ministry contexts where the feeling is that the youth are BETTER than the adults. Encouragements from leaders seem strange like, “Let’s go to ‘big’ church and show those people how ‘we’ worship!” Before long, students stop attending other services because of silly things like worship style & music preference. And it’s our fault! Depending on your context, the building may not help the issue. For example, my student ministry meets downstairs in an industrial-style basement. I have to fight to make sure that “upstairs” is not viewed as “big” church, or for that matter, a separate church altogether. Exaggerated as it may seem, ministries CANNOT adopt an Occupy Church mentality in which adult congregants & adult ministry is considered corporate headquarters.

How did we get from a simple phrase to full-out church division & strife? Because that’s the slippery slope of how mindset is established. No matter how overstated you may think all of this is, consider the culture-shaping impact using a simple phrase like “big church” makes. This mentality is unhealthy, dangerous, divisive, unbiblical, and to use an appropriate word: heretical.

I’m not saying that age-appropriate ministries are wrong (my job depends on it!). What I’m saying is that we have to be intentional about the cultural mindsets we create, even down to the words we choose to paint it with. There has to be a united front to connect, integrate, and strategize ministries all the way across the board. THE CHURCH IS THE CHURCH! There is no big or little, better or worse, upstairs or downstairs. It’s a body. One body with many parts. 1 Corinthians 12, homie!

Discourage your people from saying “big” church. It doesn’t have to be a strong rebuke, but gentle correction. Don’t be afraid to poke fun at the term…because it is ridiculous. My leaders and I laugh about it all of the time when I coyly state my ignorance that we had so many “tall” people in our church. But the fact that I lead a youth ministry that many may deem “successful,” but only 20-25% of my students attend our Sunday morning worship and almost none of those are involved…that is no laughing matter. It’s time to start thinking like the church, friends. And it starts with me & you. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one…

Bradley K. Chandler is a graduate of Southeastern University and is the Student Ministries Pastor at Trinity Worship Center in Burlington, NC. Be sure to subscribe to his blog here – good stuff for sure.

Every weekend I get the privilege of posting a guest post or two from the More Than Dodgeball community. It is open to everyone – provided it is solid and fits some basic requirements (like somewhere south of 500 words, and isn’t a blatant infomercial for something – if you’re interested get the scoop here). These are the best of the best – the most popular guest posts from 2011:

1. Becoming an Indispensable Staff Pastor by Justin Lathrop
2. Top 12 Things You Should be Saying to a Guy Who Struggles with Porn by Nick McDonald
3. What to do with the Kid Who Hates You by Geoff Stewart
4. Taste And See: Sharing God’s Goodness Through Grief by Ryan Donovan
5. Youth Tracker by Bradley K. Chandler
6. 43 Top Church Website Resources by Zach Younkin
7. I’ve Failed as a Youth Pastor by Steve Ingold
8. Make the Ask by Geoff Stewart
9. The Curious Question of Campus Lunch by Sean Kahlich
10. When Good Ideas Go Bad by Geoff Stewart

JG