leadership | More Than Dodgeball

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: The Rebuke Sandwich

If there was one skill that I have grown into in the past year, its been calling students out. Calling them out for their actions, the words, their apathy, their judgment or just plain attitude. I love my students whole-heartedly, but there comes a time when I need to be the leader and not a friend and have a tough conversation with a student. How you handle these conversations can determine if they leave feeling loved or condemned and can dictate if they are going to stay or leave your group. Here is the way that teach our team to have these chats, its called “The Rebuke Sandwich” …

Slice 1 – Pull the student you need to talk to aside, away from their friends. Now before they know what hit them, affirm them! It could be a simple as the fact that you value the fact they attend, or it could be that you see leadership potential in them. Be sincere and truthful, but starting with something you appreciate about them is very disarming and will allow step two to happen much easier.

The Meat- Tell them what it is you are concerned about or which action or behavior needs to be addressed. Be factual and honest, this is the meat of the conversation so be sure that you are prepared with exactly what has spurred this conversation. This is the tough part because when students and people in general get called out, our pride is hurt and we get defensive, this could cause tears or anger or both. But no matter what happens, don’t pull the chute here or let them pull the chute on the conversation until you get through step three.

Slice 2 - Now its time to affirm them again, this is the most important part because they are likely feeling wounded or hurt, but they need to know they are loved. This is the step that shows them that despite the fact that you needed to speak to them about their behavior, it is truly in love that you are doing it when you can build them up after calling them out. Once again, it’s an affirmation that is sincere and truthful that could highlight a gifting you seen in them. **If you are a hugging youth group, now is the time.

The Rebuke sandwich is an effective tool for confronting to students because it builds them up, shows them what needs to change, and reminds them of your care for them. Confronting students is not easy or fun to do but having an honest conversation one on one is important and above all Biblical. I have found time and again that using the “Sandwich” can be very effective at resolving an issue and restoring the Pastor-student relationship quickly.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

2 View Comments April 5, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts BOOK REVIEW: The Volunteer’s Back Pocket Guide to Youth Mission Trips

I really liked Toby Rowe’s new book The Volunteer’s Back Pocket Guide to Youth Mission Trips ($4.99, Group Publishing). It is a simple guide to helping volunteers begin to understand what they’re about to get into when they said yes to going on the trip. Toby is a veteran youth worker with tons of experience through Group Workcamps and Group’s Week of Hope. He brings that wisdom and experience to the table and helps volunteers to understand what it means to be a good leader, how to have great conversations with students and where to look for God-moments along the trip. He also shows them how to be supportive of the leadership on the trip and how to bring back the stories of what you experienced to the church body and supportive families. All in all, a surprisingly strong resource in a little package.

My only complaint … is that there’s no way the book will fit into your back pocket! Not even close! I’m sure the function won here (better to write in notes or reflection) and it works better as an idea to keep these principles in your back pocket – but what a missed opportunity! Hahahah … still a great book. Pick one up and check it out, if you like it, maybe grab one for each of the leaders on your next mission trip.

JG

Add Comment April 1, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts The Youth Ministry Volunteer Process: Part 2

Yesterday I posted part 1 of our volunteer process in our high school ministry – here’s the second half of the process from start to finish. Let me know if there’s anything that needs clarifying in the comments!

Train
Leader training is a critical and ongoing step in the process, our very best leaders attend small group leader training each year, even as veterans. We regularly give away little books or resources, encourage them with a video or note and even make sure they have ongoing training in their hands every few months.

Care
When there is a crisis in the life of one of our leaders, we are there. Flowers for a death in the family, a visit if they’re in the hospital, prayer over a family crisis – I am a pastor to pastors – and these amazing volunteers are our front line ministers so I need to give them focus, love and care.

Encourage
Be a cheerleader.

Remove
Occasionally you may have to remove a leader. Every year so far we’ve had to deal with the messiness of ministry specifically with volunteers. It may be a personal issue, a doctrinal issue or something to do with lifestyle. Either way, I have to take care of it as it is part of our process. My least favorite one on this list but a necessary evil.

Celebrate
We have some superstar leaders, and when they’re run is over we celebrate. Maybe it is as simple as a note or movie tickets, other times it is dinner at a nice restaurant. Take time to love them our the door if they finish well.

JG

2 View Comments March 30, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts The Youth Ministry Volunteer Process: Part 1

Been talking a little bit about our youth ministry volunteer process since we have a key leader in transition on our team and we want to make sure the DNA and spirit of our group is intact after she’s gone. Here’s what our process looks like – from beginning to end:

Recruit
We go to as many different arenas in the church as possible to find volunteers. When it’s time to recruit, begin with prayer and go to the places where your best potential leaders are. Talk to groups and talk to specific individuals. Beware of the temptation to commit the seven deadly sins of volunteer recruiting.

Application
Once you’ve made the ask, make sure you have an application for them to fill out. Make sure it is somewhat comprehensive while not being defeating, but discouraging enough to weed out most of the poorer applicants from the start.

Investigate
Included in the application is the consent for a background search. This is absolutely critical. No one serves with students unless they’ve been professionally screened. The potential volunteer pays the nominal fee for this to be completed.

Interview
After the application and interview, we take some time to get to know them. In many churches, you know the potential volunteer already, but take the time to talk with them specifically about what they’re getting into. Share you heart, vision and make sure they have their questions answered, too.

Assign
Once they get the green light up to this point of the process, we will assign them an area of ministry. Usually this is revealed during the interview process – sometimes it is where we have a need (like a small group leader) or based on availability (like an event leader) or passion (like a weekend leader). Ideally we would put in 3 and 6 month check ins, but this is less formal in our setting and we just try to catch up with them as we can as they get acclimated to the ministry,

I’ll post part two tomorrow! What’s your process, or what needs clarity from ours? Let me know in the comments.

JG

2 View Comments March 29, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Being Territorial With Your Students

I know that I can be a jealous person. Because of that, I have to resist the temptation to feel hurt when one of my students doesn’t come directly tome. At times, I know I set up a wall around my “territory” of students, not wanting to allow anyone else in to help them. They have to get through that wall to get to my students, and I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure they don’t get through the wall. My students are mine. Your students are yours.

That’s when I remember Rick Warren’s famous line, “It’s not about you.” Do we really want to see the student get the advice and help they need, or are we more concerned with our own pride and desire to be the hero that solved the problem? Our goal should be that a student gets the best help possible, and sometimes that doesn’t come from me. Isaiah 5:21 says, “Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.” If we keep on thinking we can fix all the problems, we’ll soon find out we’re not as wise as we thought.

I have to ask myself, “That student feels a bond of trust in the leader he went to, so am I doing everything I can to build up the same level of trust in that student?” The first thing I need to do is realize that we’re all shaped individually to handle different situations. If I know that someone else is better equipped to handle a specific issue, I should be more than willing to send my student their way. We all have been through different fires and come out with a better understanding of how to face the problem. Who better to help a student with a drinking or drug problem than a former alcoholic or drug addict? They know how hard it is to get to the other side, and they can help a student way better than someone who hasn’t had the same experience. We can’t let our pride get in the way when someone better equipped to deal with a problem is called upon. In fact, why not store that in our Rolodex of the mind, so that next time I know who to refer a future student to when they’re dealing with drugs or alcohol? If a student comes to you knowing you’ve been through something like that, it’s also important to make sure their leader knows what they’re going through. It’s great that you can share your past pain or hurt, but their leader needs to know what their student is struggling with as well.

Last week I was faced with this exact issue, but I was the one “trespassing” on another leader’s turf. One of my former students had turned to me in a time of need, but not necessarily because I was better equipped for the situation. I think in this case, he felt comfortable with me as one of his leaders, and he was too ashamed of what he did to talk to his current leader. When it happened, I did my best to counsel him and make sure the situation was taken care of, but I did make sure to refer him back to his leader and make sure to fill him in on everything. Here’s the bottom line: don’t build a “kingdom” in your youth ministry. Know that you have weaknesses and that other people are way better equipped for some things than you are. With God’s help and some discernment, you can turn your youth group from an island into an alliance.

Are you doing everything you can to team up with other youth workers for the benefit of your students?

Matt Reynolds and Steven Orel are volunteer youth workers at Saddleback Church. They approach youth ministry from two different generations and perspectives. Look for lots more from them in the future — for now you canfollow them on Twitter and check out their previous blog posts here.

2 View Comments March 26, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts What to Do When a Student Leaves Your Youth Group

Students leaving your youth ministry is a tough reality of what we do as youth workers. I thought that Paul Turner had some timely thoughts about losing students from your ministry today on his blog. Here’s a clip of his action steps, if this is something you’re dealing with I would encourage you to head there for the rest!

4. Encourage kids to see the future
When a student leaves, and it could effect others, move quickly to rally the troops. Talk with them about the future and the vision of the youth ministry. Share with them how you see them making this happen and that they are valued.

5. Don’t close the door or give away their seat
Kids are fickle. If they leave by their own choice to another group, whether it’s be a heat of the moment decision or a gradual drift, keep communication lines open. I have had kids leave and come back a year later. I have kids who went to other groups but still call me when they have a problem. Just because a kid is not in your group any longer, does not mean God has released you from them or cancelled any future plans to minister to them. Oh, that girl that left my group and told the group why she was leaving? I am performing her wedding this year.

You can’t stop kids from leaving. It’s part of the job. We have to learn, as hard as it may be, not to take each one personally. We have to look to the Lord, who Himself had a mass exodus at a critical time in his life. Yet, we find Him visiting with those same disciples, eating fish and chatting around the fire about life. If He can do it, so can we.

JG

1 View Comments March 18, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts The Many Roads to Youth Ministry

I get asked this question all of the time: I want to work with students – what is the right path to go into youth ministry? The answer is not quite as simple as it may seem. Here’s what I think:

There are many roads to youth ministry.

I’ve been fortunate to meet a whole bunch of amazing youth workers – and they come from an incredibly varied background. I know great youth workers that learned youth ministry in the trenches, I know great youth workers who learned a ton in seminary. I know some that have little to no education at all, and some with far more education than is even practically necessary.

Aundrea was a stay-at-home mom. Jacob was a farmer. Phil was a nurse. Nathan was a police officer. Jessica was planing on being an elementary school teacher. Tommy drove a Pepsi delivery truck. Aaron worked in a warehouse. Jeremiah was a magazine editor. Johnny went to seminary, and Chris isn’t even done with school yet. I went to Bible college myself … but graduated with a business degree.

There are many roads to youth ministry.

So which is the right path? Great question, and one I hope that God answers clearly and individually for you. Will you be more hirable if you have a degree? For sure. Is not liking school enough reason to skip it? Probably not. Can you get an education yourself by going to conferences or books? I think it would be helpful for sure.

So with this concept in mind, here are a few thoughts for you as you consider what your next step might look like:

Look at your role models or thought leaders in youth ministry. What was their path to youth ministry?
Make a list of the books you need to read to develop your weaknesses or increase your top end potential.
Make plans to visit a church or student ministry that is will be of significant value to your leadership development. Consider which training/conference would benefit you the most.
Consider picking up a class in the evening or in a block format to keep pushing yourself forward.
Pray and ask God for clarity about going to college, or back to school, or if grad school/seminary is for you.

Whatever road you take, blessings on your journey into youth ministry!

JG

1 View Comments March 14, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts Just Do One Thing, Youth Workers: Believe

Tonight we had 20 youth workers form Sweden visiting our high school services. We had a little time of questions and answers after the service was over and they asked me to kind of sum things up in a sentence or two. Here’s a version of what I told them, thought I would share it here, too!

Youth workers need to believe …

Believe that God is going to use them to do something great.
Believe that the Holy Spirit will guide when they feel incapable.
Believe that He is speaking whether youth group went awesome or not.
Believe in that “one student” who everyone else gave up on.
Believe in students as the church of today.
Believe in that so much you’ll give them some of the reins to the church now.
Believe in what God has called them to do as youth workers.
Believe that God prepared them for that big obstacle they are facing now.
Believe that the Gospel changes lives.
Believe that God can do the impossible.
Believe that He wants to use you in His kingdom for His glory.

Believe.

JG

Add Comment March 13, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Little Things Hide the Big Things

Sometimes little things get in the way of noticing the big things.

Often times I will notice a student’s behavior that’s a little out of whack. Maybe they’re not acting the way they normally do, or they are in a constant state of acting out (also known as being a 7th grader). While that can be extremely frustrating at times, especially if it affects the rest of the group, we have to remember that the behavior is usually indicative of a bigger problem. For example, you may have experienced sleeping problems at some time in your life. While there are definitely some things that ONLY affect sleep, usually sleep problems are a symptom of stress or another issue. You can treat your insomnia with sleeping pills, which might fix the problem for now, but it’s just a temporary fix to a long-term problem.

We don’t want to treat the symptom, we want to treat the problem. The same thing applies in youth ministry. When I see a student not acting himself, I know that there is probably something bigger happening in his life at that moment. Maybe the behavior change is masking the problem, and many times the student doesn’t even know he’s doing it. I have a student that would become the disruptive class clown any time another student in the group would start talking about home issues. It suddenly dawned on me that it was his way of changing the subject because he didn’t want to talk about home issues or dad issues because it brought negative feelings about the subject. When I talked to him, he didn’t even realize he was doing this, but we were able to address the underlying issue.

On the opposite side of the coin, there are times when I’ve noticed a typically happy, upbeat student acting a little off, not as happy as he normally is, or just generally not himself. When I ask him about it during small group, he can shrug it off as just “being tired” or “nothing’s wrong.” Even though he’s not admitting to it, there’s definitely something going on. Don’t be afraid to push a little more and dig a little deeper. Sometimes students need the extra push to get things going, and once they do, it starts a pain chain. Once the floodgates are open, feelings just start pouring out.

Don’t get frustrated when you see a behavior issue. Instead, ask God to help you recognize what the underlying problem may be. It might not be the best time to address it during your small group, but don’t let that behavior excuse the student from talking about what’s really going on. Pursue it, don’t excuse it.

Matt Reynolds and Steven Orel are volunteer youth workers at Saddleback Church. They approach youth ministry from two different generations and perspectives. Look for lots more from them in the future — for now you can follow them on Twitter and check out their previous blog posts here.

Add Comment March 5, 2011

Josh GriffinMore Posts Hold Your Team Loosely

I’ve been in youth ministry for almost 15 years now in just two churches, and there’s a reality that I’ve experienced many times over and it never gets any easier. People leave.

Over the past few years in ministry, I’ve experienced more turnover than I ever imagined I would. Interns naturally come and go – that’s one thing, but losing long-time friends, staff and key volunteers is usually unexpected and never seems to get any easier. Sure when some people leave an it isn’t an entirely bad thing (I’ve had personal praise and worship nights after transitioning out a rogue volunteer small group leader) so I suppose that is part of life, too. But “doing life” with these people and being close friends with your team and their families makes transitions like these difficult.

Here’s the reality of your youth ministry team in the next year:

Some good people are going to leave your church and go to a church in the area.
Some people on your team are going to move away because of a job-related or family situation.
Some people are going to be poured into and trained to be incredible, then immediately be sent out to serve in other ministries.
Some people just need to take a break and are going to take a season off.
Some people on your team are just going to burnout, give-up or quit.

And sometimes, God asks people to make a big move that you don’t fully understand because He hasn’t let you in on His plan yet.

When God calls, let them go. And until then, train them, love them, fight for them, bleed with them, share with them and believe in them like they’ll be serving by your side for the rest of their lives. And if and when He moves, be OK with what God is up to.

Hold your people loosely.

JG