life groups | More Than Dodgeball

Josh GriffinMore Posts How to Handle Discipline in Your Small Group

FIRST … determine who really needs to be corrected:

If it is a group problem, address it as a group.

If it’s a couple of people, pull them aside together.

If it is an individual problem, address the individual.

THEN … talk to the appropriate people.

Pull them aside
Don’t pull off a major correction in front of the whole group; make sure you pull people aside after group time and begin a conversation. If you are fortunate enough to have a co-leader and the situation is distractive enough, the co-leader could remove the student.

Be clear on what they’re doing wrong
Address the problem directly. If it is causing a problem with the whole group, help the student to see how his or her actions are distracting everyone. Usually a student will know, but some are so self-absorbed, they don’t realize how they are affecting those around them.

Show grace
Be quick to show grace in this situation. You did it–you initiated the conversation and asked them to make the change. Be strong and firm, but followed quickly by love, mercy, and grace. The more seasoned the youth worker, the easier it usually is to show grace. If you are new to youth ministry, carefully temper your response. A line I used last night that had an immediate and positive response was, “You will never do that again.” Sometimes solving a behavioral issue will be that simple.

Look for and encourage correct behavior
Be on the lookout for when the student follows your rules–when you see it, make sure you comment on it and encourage the student when he or she has a good night. Your affirmation will be meaningful and restorative.

Followup later after a set amount of time
If appropriate, set a follow-up date to make sure that the student has made the appropriate changes. Use this time to build a stronger relational connection with your student–the bond will prevent it from happening again–or if it does happen again, you’ll have an open door to correcting the behavior.

JG

If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor (Proverbs 15:31-33).

Some suggested youth ministry resources to help small group leaders:

1 View Comments May 11, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Book Review: What the Dog Saw

I will read everything a select group of writers put out there.

Usually that works for me, because the people on there deserve it after crafting several life-changing, personal and impactful books. Malcom Gladwell tops that list (which also includes Doug Fields and Seth Godin), so I’ve read every single book of his so far. He’s the mastermind/author behind Blink, Outliers and The Tipping Point. His latest book, What the Dog Saw, is simply a collection of his columns in the New Yorker. My expectation bar was set super high – and while it isn’t as epic as his typical book, I loved reading some of his older stuff in smaller doses. Highly recommend, it’ll make you think.

JG

1 View Comments April 15, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Great Questions for a Captive Youth Ministry Audience

I liked Dennis’ post this morning about good questions to ask students on a mission trip. We’re on a great trip right now, and would love it if these ministry-building questions were in our conversation!

We’re on a mission trip this week. This is the prime recruiting ground to move students toward a next step. To get those conversations started, I’ll ask students these questions:

1. Who is your small group leader? Many times the answer is, “I’m not in a small group.” by the end of the trip, my goal is to introduce them to students from their school who are in a small group the student can attend.

2. Which weekend service do you attend? If the answer is, “I don’t attend one,” I take the same action as #1 above, but it doesn’t matter as much if the students go to their school.

If the students says he’d go, but doesn’t have a ride, I immediately connect him with somebody near his who will give him a ride. At the end of the trip I remind them to connect about carpooling to church. This is also a great relationship-building strategy.

JG

Add Comment April 6, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Who We’re Called to Minister To

I’m in the last few rounds of edits on my next book, 99 Thoughts for Small Group Leaders (coming this summer from Group). It is due this week to the editor – so far so good, been having a blast writing new training material, mining old blog posts, and asking a few friends to contribute to some sidebar insight as well. I just finished up an early section essentially bringing small group leaders up to speed on the type of students they’ll be ministering to. Thought it might be helpful to you or to pass along to the team – enjoy:

Thanks for jumping in and being a small group leader! Your service to God’s work will not go unnoticed. So what exactly are we dealing with here?

The typical student is quickly adopting the lifestyle of their parents — fast and furious. In our student ministry we recently asked students what the number one issue was in their lives — they answered, “dealing with stress.” They are thinking about college earlier than ever before with an already packed schedule. Not a minute passes without them being bombarded with twisted messages of sexuality from reality shows or musical acts, driving them to think a lot about the opposite sex.

Typical students live and die by their cell phones — their thumbs can text faster than you can type. Social networking is important — they’re online most hours a day looking at screens. Their worldview is being shaped by people who advocate tolerance but shut down most expressions of faith. They are very interested in the being spiritual but not necessarily Christianity. They are searching frantically for acceptance and consistency.

And that’s where you come in.

[ ] If you are young … things aren’t much different than when you were in school but be careful not to be overconfident in your ability to relate to them.

[ ] If you are old … things might feel very different from when you grew up and you might be intimidated by that prospect or feel out of touch.

Here’s what hasn’t changed; no matter your age coming into this, students still need love, acceptance and care. They desire to be known and need to be pointed to Jesus. Hear this: you are the hope. You are the small group leader. You are their guide to navigating this crazy world we live in. And you can do it.

JG

3 View Comments April 1, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts 4 Ways to Respond to the Small Group Dip

So you’re more halfway through the year, and only about half of your guys are still showing up for small group. What’s going on?!

Don’t Panic
Unfortunately, this is completely normal. After the excitement of the school year’s launch – even with momentum through the beginning of a New Year – things start to hit the skids for everyone. Don’t freak out if a few of your students get bogged down in school activities or begin to emphasize other priorities.

Work the Phones
Make texting your friend for this season, remind your students of when and where small group is meeting — maybe even consider planning a fun night out just to rally the troops together again. Start by leaving a few voicemails and asking students to personally remind others in their group they may see at school.

Keep Parents in the Loop
Parents are oftentimes aware of their student’s commitment (or lack thereof) to small group — but either way make sure they’re in the loop on their students’ involvement. They can be a great partner in helping you fight through the dip and alert you to any problems that may be discouraging their child from attending.

Finish Strong
Don’t let a little lighter attendance distract you from giving it your all. Stick to the basics — prepare a great lesson, focus on relationships and end the year strong. Plan a celebration at the end of the school year and use the open door of relationships to keep connecting with your students, even if it has to happen outside of official small group time.

JG

5 View Comments March 25, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: My Take on Youth Ministry 3.0

Last year, I read Mark Oestreichers ‘manifesto’, Youth Ministry 3.0, and I loved the concept of Youth Ministry 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0 as a way to understand the history of youth ministry. It was like this book was an answer to Mark Senter’s book, “The Coming Revolution in Youth Ministry” (that’s for all you old youth ministry guys). And I think the book is timely — it seems like many in youth ministry are unsatisfied with where we are and are looking for a way forward.

Charting the Course

Something that I found very helpful was that in each section of the book, Marko (as he is known throughout the youth ministry world) builds a chart that lists and compares/contrasts various characteristics of the three different youth ministry eras (pages 49, 61, 78) including youth culture fixation, cultural influence on youth ministry, key themes, driver, and theme verse. By the time I got to the end of the book, I found myself wanting to add another characteristic to his chart, namely the ‘relationship of youth ministry to the church’.

A. Youth Ministry Outside the Local Church

Marko does talk about youth ministry’s relationship to the local church in Youth Ministry 1.0 and 2.0. On page 46, Marko says “So those early youth ministry pioneers who knew they had to be true to their calling found — in large measure — that they had to do youth ministry outside the context of the local church.” In other words, the primary context of youth ministry 1.0 was outside of local churches. Although this doesn’t appear in Marko’s chart, I think it’s an important enough observation that it could. As Marko points out, Youth Ministry 1.0 was the birth of groups like YFC, Young Life, FCA, etc. (parachurch youth ministries), but a shift happens in Youth Ministry 2.0.

B. Youth Ministry Inside the Local Church

On page 53, Marko says “Churches [in the late 70's and 80's] were finally waking up to the need for youth ministry and moving beyond offering only a ‘young persons’ Sunday School class. Youth groups sprang onto the church scene, and churches started hiring youth pastors left and right.” So the primary context of Youth Ministry 2.0 was inside local churches.

C. Youth Ministry Connecting Local Churches

When he gets to Youth Ministry 3.0, the context continues to be youth ministry inside local churches, but I found myself wondering — couldn’t the primary context of youth ministry (relationship to the local church) also be changing just as it had between YM 1.0 and 2.0? And Marko’s descriptions of Youth Ministry 3.0 actually hint at what I believe could be the next primary context of youth ministry — youth ministry connecting local churches.

On page 93, he says “But what might this look like, to have a youth ministry of the various youth subcultures in your church and community, acknowledging the uniqueness and value of each-including the styles and preferences of each-but moving toward a supra-cultural taste of the kingdom of God?” (emphasis mine).

Could we be heading into a time when youth ministry needs to break out from the four walls of the local church and spill over into the whole community including other local churches? To be more about the Kingdom of God than buildings, denominations or theological distinctives? I believe that this is the case, and I believe that Marko’s description of Youth Ministry 3.0′s characteristics support that.

1) To reach multiple cultures

For example, he says that in Youth Ministry 3.0, there should be multiple youth ministries to multiple subcultures — that could be done in a single church, but what if all the churches in a community recognized this need and different churches were strategically focusing on reaching those different subcultures. What if we had an attitude that we need other youth ministries in our community to reach the entire youth population of our community?

2) To be true to our context

Another characteristic is contextualized youth ministry — the context of the students in your community is important, but doesn’t that context include other churches and youth ministries? What affect do other churches have on each other and what effect should they have. Could some good come of acknowledging that ‘our church is not the only church in this town’?

3) To be free from being overwhelmed

Doing less and getting small is another characteristic of Youth Ministry 3.0 — imagine the freedom in realizing ‘Hey, I’m not the only person trying to reach teenagers in my community. There are others out there doing the same thing. I’m not alone.” I think that realization could take some of the pressure off of youth leaders and we could feel free to not feel bad about being small knowing that there are many groups out there doing the same thing. A whole lot of smalls make for something big!

4) To be communal and missional

The two key words that Marko gives for Youth Ministry 3.0 are communal and missional. I love that — what fresh ways of looking at what we do. But again, wouldn’t communal youth ministry also mean that the youth pastor needs a community of like-minded people? His community needs to be bigger than the students he/she ministers to — he or she needs a community of people who understand their passion, struggles, goals, etc. And nothing is quite as encouraging as knowing that the mission you are passionate about is shared by others.

In the early chapter of Youth Ministry 3.0, Marko describe the tasks of adolescence as identity, autonomy, and affinity. I think that church history has played itself out in this way, especially since the protestant reformation (the church’s rebellious years?). At first, the church struggled with a sense of identity: What is the church? What are we supposed to be about? And then for several centuries, the church has been all about autonomy — How are we unique and different from other churches? I think it’s about time the church started moving more toward affinity — What do we have in common? How can we connect?

In Youth Ministry 3.0, We Need Each Other

Youth Ministry 1.0 took place outside of local churches because churches hadn’t caught on. In Youth Ministry 2.0, churches took hold that responsibility they should’ve had all along and made it core to what they do. In Youth Ministry 3.0, I think that they overwhelming forces of culture, economics, media, technology, globalization, and spiritual decline are going to force churches to see that we need each other to successfully reach future generations for Christ (see Jason Pauli’s recent blog post). In fact, as my friend Nick Arnold recently reminded me, youth workers from parachurch ministries started in the 1.0 era and church youth pastors from the 2.0 era also need each other to reach this generation of young people. I’m excited about Youth Ministry 3.0 and I’m thankful to Mark Oestreicher for helping us see what this exciting new time can look like. My hope is that, more and more, we’ll make this new chapter of Youth Ministry something we do together.

Travis Deans has been 13 years with Teens For Christ, a former Youth Ministry 1.0 organization now networking church youth ministries in two counties in southwestern Pennsylvania, and lives in Uniontown, Pennsylvania with his wife Judy.

Add Comment March 15, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: A Prayer for Small Groups

Father, today as our small group meets
I pray that each person will feel your heartbeat
May they know they are special, they’re cared for, they’re loved
Your kingdom come, on earth as above

Our time together, though not long only short
May it seed true communion with You in our hearts
Help us see Your image inside of each other
Teach us what it means to truly love one another

Away from the big, the loud, the flash
Just a few of us here to share and to laugh
To discuss Your Word, to share and go deeper
To talk real life and be our brother’s keeper

Praying for one another as we journey through life
May we encourage each other to reflect Your light
Let us always be inclusive, welcoming, and warm
A safe place for all in the midst of life’s storms

Lord we all come from a myriad of places
Give us wisdom and kindness and grace and patience
Thank you for unity in the midst of diversity
Make us one in Christ, true Christian community

Bless those abundantly who have opened their home
Upon their house, God we pray Your Shalom
May it be filled with laughter, with joy, and with vision
In return for their giving, God we pray Your provision

And let us, O Lord, never ever forget
That there’s someone else out there who has yet to connect
Your eyes and your mouth to see and invite
That not one, O Lord, would be alone in the fight

It’s a mystery to me why they seem to be Your preference
But amazingly in the end small groups make a great big difference
Life on life, Jesus you modeled it back then
So I’ll do the same, in Jesus name, Amen.

Kevin Mahaffy, Jr. is a poet and blog writer. Check out more of his stuff here: http://revkevjr.blogspot.com

2 View Comments March 15, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Hooks and Anchors

One of my good friends and co-workers announced that he is leaving his job the other day.
The good news is that it was no big deal to the volunteers who he announced it to! Though, it probably would have been good for the ol’ ego for there to be weeping and gnashing of teeth, the truth is, this response is an indicator that he did a great job!
One of my biggest pet peeves in youth ministry is to see a young leader get a promotion and then watch that young leader’s program die.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I think the leader shouldn’t have taken the promotion. It’s not that I think the only commitment you should ever have is to youth. Let’s face it.

Number one…this is tough work and there are few who can do it for years at a time.

Secondly….Youth Pastors are often thought of as the minor leagues for “The Big Show.” This is the way the system has developed. Student pastors are the future leadership of the church. But this is a topic for another time.
So…back to my issue. Why do we see this pattern across the country? A new person coming in, a youth group growing, that person leaving, and the youth group dying…waiting for the next big personality? Come to think of it…why is that the pattern we see in the church in general?
I think the problem is us!
We can be pretty cool. We are relational, so people are attracted to us. We have vision, so people are inspired by us. We are creative and do a bunch of interesting and new stuff, so people like to come see what we do. People dig us. And therein lies the problem…right there in front of our eyes. It’s us.

In my world at North Point Xtreme, our anchor is the small group leader. The only thing consistent every week is the same small group leader with the same group of kids. When my friend, with an identical program, announced he was leaving today, it was not a big deal. When I leave, the show will go on the same way. (I’m not saying it will be easy on my ego.)

Great speakers (the hooks) come inside our student ministry and then go on to do great things on bigger stages. Great bands (also hooks) minister to our kids, are developed, and head on to “Big Church.” They go to the “Show!” I love it when that happens…and the ministry keeps growing and doesn’t miss a beat!

So…I hope you are incredibly talented, passionate, and an amazing vision caster…but the truth is, You may be a great hook…but…it’s not about you…it can’t be about you.