mistakes | More Than Dodgeball

Chris WesleyMore Posts Who Takes The Blame?

If you work with teenagers chances are you’ve witnessed many mistakes. Maybe it was that game that you thought would be awesome; however, a girl ends up puking. Or that trip that was incredible until you arrived home late because you couldn’t find the one teen in the rest stop gift shop. In youth ministry mistakes will be made. Parents, teens, volunteers and even the pastor will get angry with you.

When something doesn’t go as originally planned the temptation is to find a scapegoat. You were late because of someone else. The game didn’t go according to plan because the instructions weren’t clear. You make excuses and point the finger; however, all it does it hurt your leadership. Mistakes will happen because you and I are human. As a leader instead of looking for an excuse or someone to blame:

Take Ownership Of The Situation: Owning the situation doesn’t necessarily mean you will take the blame. It means that you will take the steps to resolve the situation. If someone is at fault you’ll find out who that is or if there was a miscommunication you’ll discover when that happened. By owning it you are allowing others to hold you accountable. By embracing the situation you show others that you care.

Criticize And Critique Privately: If a problem does occur because of someone else make sure you talk with them privately. Making a fool of them in front of their peers is embarrassing and doesn’t look well for you. If the situation is severe be sure to have an accountable party who will affirm the discussion. This will also protect you if they aren’t accepting of the feedback.

Pray With Others: Most youth ministers are their harshest critique, which will drain us emotionally and spiritually. Having a small group of peers to listen to your concerns is essential. Allow them to pray for you and pour into you so that you can continue to move forward. In the end you’ll know you aren’t walking through the problem alone.

Obtain Trustworthy Feedback: Make sure you analyze the situation with the help of others. If the mistake was made by another person seek wisdom on how you could have prevented putting the wrong person in the wrong place. Have someone you trust to give you the brutal facts to point you in the right direction.

I’m not suggesting that you as the leader take the fall 100% of the time; however, it’s important to own the situation. Look to resolve it, share the burden with others and make the necessary preparations to avoid the situation in the future. A great leader is one who is humble enough to know mistakes are made and that it’s all a part of being human.

How do you rebound from mistakes being made?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

2 View Comments December 11, 2012

Geoff StewartMore Posts Absolutely Dangerous

I really like learning things, but NOT learning them the hard way and this is something that I have learned the hard way through my own actions and from the challenges it has brought up with some of our students. We have all been there, preaching to our students about something we are passionate about, something we know that many students are struggling with, you’re feeling it and take it off script and then…. It happens……

You throw down a absolute / blanket statement. You might not have noticed it happened, it might have been a throw away comment but the students heard it and they are thinking about it, reflecting on it and deciding if its true.

This is such a dangerous move; even if by accident, because when we say it, our students are going to assume its true and may act accordingly. A great example is a student named Mike that was in my small group for several years. He was solid, growing in his faith, making great choices, loving Jesus and didn’t struggle with much. We took our youth group to a local youth conference and the main session speaker came out with this uppercut:

“ I know that ALL of you guys are struggling with looking at pornography”

Fact: Mike had never been tempted by pornography in his life……. Until he heard that everyone was.

I have made absolute statements about guys and their intentions in dating that were hurtful, and I owned the comment, apologized the next week and wished I had never done it. But it was not fair to the guys and not fair to the girls who trusted that I was telling them the truth, the guys had ill intentions. I know of at least one student who has not come back since that night and that hurts

Absolute statements are rarely true, often hurtful and always dangerous and not worth it. Be careful, your flippant comment can have devastating consequences for the spiritual journey of a student who is trusting that the information you are bringing is true. Don’t learn the hard way like I have.

GS (Twitter)

Add Comment March 26, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts 5 Common Youth Worker Mistakes

Gregg Farah as been on a blogging streak lately. I really enjoyed his post called 5 Mistakes Every Youth Worker Makes and How to Avoid Them. Here’s a clip of a common mistake – that if I’m honest about (and probably you are, too) is a mistake I make all to often. Head there for the rest:

5) Leave God Out (both rookies and vets are guilty)
We get so busy serving God we forget to be with God, we forget to talk to God, and we forget to listen to God. When I first started in ministry a vet youth worker said, “Don’t let your service exceed your worship.” I fight that temptation on a regular basis.

Solution:
a) Stop. If you have a choice between a last-second review of your notes for a Bible study, or sitting still in the presence of God, go with God. Every time.
b) Model reliance on God. Pray with students before everything and talk about God’s answers to prayer. I think God answers prayer far more than we give God credit. Let’s help students get excited that God does hear our prayers and answers them.

JG

Add Comment March 1, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts 3 Leadership Mistakes I’ve Made Recently

Over the past 15 years (and 3 weeks) that I’ve been in full-time ministry I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes. I’ve made so many I’m currently pitching a book called Youth Ministry Nightmares where I talk about the stories surrounding my biggest leadership gaffs.

While these aren’t nightmares, they are some mistakes I’ve made in the not-so-recent past:

Neglecting rookie volunteers
There is one group of leaders in your ministry that need you more than anyone else: the newbies. My mistake in the past was to concentrate on launching and not sustaining. The more time you take to make rookie leaders great the more you will retain and the better (and faster) experienced veterans they will become.

Not changing your leadership style to fit your team
When my volunteer team was all my close friends, I could manage relationally and we were overflowing with trust and history. As teams change, and you encourage outsiders to join your team, make sure you adjust to the people God has given you. Make history with them. Design activities to build trust. Make sure they are fully trained and equipped.

Falling in love with youth ministry more than Jesus
From time to time I have found myself in an unhealthy tension—choosing to love youth ministry more than Jesus. Loving what I do instead of who I do it for. It doesn’t take long in a season of discouragement to reveal which way you have erred.

Hope my mistakes help you be a better youth worker! Share your mistakes in the comments, too!

This post was written by Josh Griffin and Kurt Johnston and originally appeared as part of Simply Youth Ministry Today free newsletter. Subscribe to SYM Today right here.

Add Comment February 29, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts Deadly Sins of Recruiting Volunteers

Thought this post on Ministry Best Practices was solid – there are 7 Deadly Recruiting Sins over there you should read when talking about volunteers in your youth ministry. Here’s the 3 that stood out the most to me:

Sin #4: Assume That “No” Means “Never”. Sometimes a “no” means that a prospect would rather do something other than the role you’ve described. Probe to find out what the person likes to do, then see if there’s a match for that in your (or someone else’s) ministry.

Sin #5: Recruit Just Warm Bodies. It is easy to get in the mindset of just needing to fill slots and needs within your ministry..but you don’t just want warm bodies, rather you want people with warm hearts toward your ministry. You want people whose gifts, skills and abilities are a good match for your ministry.

Sin #6: Recruit to the need. People don’t want to hear a desperate plea of how you need volunteers. You don’t recruit to the need, rather you recruit to the vision. Most people don’t volunteer out of guilt because you tell them that your ministry team is in desperate need of volunteers. Rather most people volunteer because they are compelled by the vision. Paint and cast that compelling vision for your prospective volunteers.

JG