Josh GriffinMore PostsHow to Tell Students You’re Leaving

This one is tough: How do you tell students you’re leaving the church? There’s no easy way to break the news, but here are a few ideas to consider when you’re in this situation.

Tell your inner circle first.
Gather up your key volunteers and break the news to them first; no doubt some of them will be disappointed, discouraged, or even frustrated/angry, but they deserve to hear it from you first. They trust you, so they trust God’s Spirit in you, but leaving is difficult on everyone—and it will be especially challenging for them. Take in the moment, share in the tears, and give them the privilege of hearing it from you and first.

Tell the rest quickly.
Don’t make those faithful few carry it for too long—plus, once it is out there word travels extremely fast. Have a resignation letter/statement already prepared and work with your leadership to figure out the appropriate channels for distribution.

Prepare for a few common questions.
It wouldn’t hurt for you to think ahead of a few questions you might experience in a follow-up meeting or conversation. A few things that we’ve been asked:

  • Why are you leaving?
  • Do you love them more than us?
  • So what’s the real story behind you leaving?
  • I feel betrayed by your decision. Can you help me understand how God led you to leave us?
  • What’s going to happen to the youth group without you?

Understand the real pain your students are experiencing.
You may be excited about you departure, but before you deliver the news, understand the genuine pain this causes many of your students. You are leaving. You are leaving us. You are leaving me. You’ve had months to process it, but they’re hearing it for the first time. Let them process the news, too, and be prepared for tears, anger, and confusion. This is a great chance to show grace under fire.

Give words as your parting gifts.
Instead of giving into the temptation of taking shots when you leave, work hard to give words of affirmation and belief to the students, volunteers, and church as a whole. If the church chooses to honor you for your time serving the church, turn it back on them and praise them for doing the work of the ministry that will long outlast your tenure.

Help them follow Jesus, not the youth pastor.
Sometimes students get this confused, so point them to Jesus every day while you serve and continue to point them there as you leave. When we follow a human, only one thing is for sure: We are going to be disappointed.

Any other words of advice/experience to share with those that are about to tell their students the news?

This post was written by Josh Griffin and Kurt Johnston and originally appeared as part of Simply Youth Ministry Today free newsletter. Subscribe to SYM Today right here.

Josh GriffinMore PostsInterview with Rick Lawrence About Sifted

1. Many books have been written on the topic of pain and suffering. How does your book differ from the others?
Well, you can find the “scandal” in Jesus’ response to Peter right here: “Satan has demanded to sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you….” Like a violent assault that’s too hard to watch, we turn our attention from Jesus’ “but” because the impact of it is hard to swallow. Satan asks permission to sift, and the Trinity gives it. If God is a co-conspirator in our pain, then what hope do we have? In the end, Sifted is a bait-and-switch sort of book–it’s a book about the pain we experience in life, but it’s really a book about the glory of God and His “beyond category” love for us. There are many mysteries about God and His movement in our life, but sometimes we use “mystery” as an excuse to not drill down into His beauty more deeply until our understanding of Him compels us to worship Him. The story of Sifted is not an answer to our pain–it is moving the blockage of our pain away from our lips so we can drink deeply the Living Water.

2. What was it about these verses in Luke 22 that jumped out to you? Why did you decide to make them a focus of your study?
The older I get, the slower I read the Bible. Most of us miss who Jesus really is because, simply, we read too fast. We assume we understand what He says, what He does, and how others react to Him. But mostly, we’re functionally skipping over His essence in our impatient commute through the stories that chronicle His life. So I read the Bible very slowly now. And one day, while reading slowly, I rammed right into this little vignette that happens at the end of the Last Supper–it’s so short and odd that it’s easy to skip over. But when I stopped to ask myself if I understood what was really happening here, the story seemed like a grenade with its pin pulled. I saw something of God’s glory, and my own story, in this little interchange. God’s goodness surpasses our definitions because we’re hampered by our own limitations–but when we “taste and see” that God is good we’re forever longing to live in that taste.

3. Do you believe that all Christians will go through a sifting process?
Sifting comes in many forms, and from many sources. Simply because we’re alive, we will be sifted–whether from our own choices, or from living in a fallen and broken world, or from Satan demanding permission to mess with our life. Sifting is a reality for everyone, everywhere. But sifting–it means we are beaten, separated, and revealed–is a process that’s, in a way, neutral. I mean, the outcome of the experience can either destroy us or strengthen us. Satan intends to destroy when he sifts, and God (who makes beauty out of ugly) intends to reveal His glory in us. If God is merely the god of “good outcomes,” then our faith in Him is purely circumstantial. But if God is merely good, then our faith in Him is like Job’s–”Though He slay me, I will love Him.” This is the kind of love that leaves no leverage–no ledge to stand on–for the Enemy. And this is the kind of love that is our chief end in life.

4. Why do other Christians so easily judge those who are experiencing hardships?
In the end, the reason we judge others who are in the throes of sifting is the same reason why Job’s friends hammered away at him–we believe that bad things ultimately happen to people who deserve them. In our heads, that’s our insurance policy against tragedy and crisis and disappointment in life–as long as we assess ourselves as basically “good people” we should not be a viable target for suffering, or at least unjust suffering. We would never say that repeated experiences of suffering are a marker for hidden sin in a person’s life, or for God’s vote of un-confidence, but that’s how we act when we encounter people who have more than their fair share of suffering. We make assumptions about people who suffer because, we believe, we are judging them the way God judges them. We are wrong about this, just as Job’s friends were wrong about what was happening to him.

5. Peter did not make the right choice when he was first tempted, yet his experience still brought a change in his life. Does the process itself bring about change even when our initial reactions are wrong?
The short answer to this is embedded in God’s habitual behavior: “[He] causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). No matter what we give Him to work with, He is always using our “raw material” like a master sculptor would–making something beautiful out of something ugly. And, as Paul reminds us in Romans, we do not use this character trait against Him. No one who truly loves another takes their beloved for granted or abuses their grace. But it’s the grace and artistry of the Sculptor that draws out of us our only rational response–worship.

6. How can we be better prepared for the pain and suffering that will come?
Understanding the depth and breadth and height of God’s love for us is the only rampart against the destructive power of pain. The way we “better prepare” ourselves for pain and suffering is to orient our whole life toward “tasting and seeing that God is good.” And His goodness is better than we can dream–we know this because Jesus is a perfect reflection of that goodness, and Jesus is good beyond measure.

You can pick up a copy of Sifted right here! To find out more about the book, also visit the official website for Sifted is http://www.siftedbook.com/, and you can also follow Rick Lawrence on Twitter.

Josh GriffinMore PostsGUEST POST: Taste and See — Sharing God’s Goodness Through Grief

On July 29, my wife gave birth to our first child, a daughter named Kaia. In the morning prior to Kaia’s birth, I had been reading Psalm 34, and my heart was re-captured by verse 8, which reads:

“Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” – Psalm 34:8

I was so excited for the day and for what God had in store for us that I posted that verse as my facebook status, in anticipation of tasting God’s good gift of Fatherhood. I had no idea how big of a bite I would be taking, or how intensely I would be tasting and seeing whether or not the Lord really is good.

Shortly after birth, Kaia was admitted to the NICU, due to irregular breathing. We were so scared. After the longest day of my life, I sent out an email at nearly 3:00 AM, sharing about Kaia’s birth and asking my friends and family to pray for Kaia.

Over the course of the next 19 days, I frequently wrote prayer updates in the middle of the night. I wrote to ask everyone to pray for Kaia, to pray for us, and to point them to the God who holds the entire universe in His hands. There were some good days, where I wrote with excitement, but there were more days where I wrote with tears running down my face. On August 17, Kaia died in my arms. That night I wrote my last prayer update, and many who had been praying for us wept with us and shared our sorrow. Many also shared our hope in a God who is good, in the midst of the pain.

As another Fall of Youth Ministry is kicking off in the church where I serve, I am still struggling to be anything other than an internal disaster. The truth is, though, I am learning a lot in the midst of my grief and pain. I know God has only begun to teach me through Kaia’s life and death, but here is some of what He is teaching me so far.

Grieve Well
A friend and mentor came and visited us one evening while Kaia was still in the hospital. One of the best things he said to us was to “grieve well”. Though Kaia was still alive at the time, we were already grieving as we watched her struggle to hold on to life. To grieve well is to embrace the pain, rather than running from it or avoiding it. It is avoiding the temptation to hold back tears, and instead letting the tears fall, even in front of people. To grieve well is to be present in the pain, to talk about the feelings that come, and to share the experience with others. It means feeling every ounce of the pain, and inviting God to meet you and sustain you in the midst of your grief.

Your Grief Isn’t Just For Your Sake
Seasons of intense grief provide clear windows into your soul. Those who watch you grieve are going to get an uncommon, insider look at your soul. As you cling to Jesus in the pain, you will find the hope He has promised, and you will show others who are struggling where they can find hope, too. You also provide a roadmap for others who will later face pain, helping them to see what it looks like to struggle with the pain that life brings and, at the same time, to find Jesus to be all-sufficient.

God Really Is Good
I know more about God’s goodness now than I did before Kaia was born. He has truly sustained us and continues to sustain us. The example of God giving the Israelites manna in the desert is such a good example for our experience so far. Every day God has been good to give us the strength we need for the day, and to bring people around us to give us strength on the days when we have been lacking. He has fed us through the Psalms, where we see over and over again that we aren’t the first people to experience pain. We see in the words of David and others that God has been deeply good to His people in the past, and we find hope that He will be deeply good to us as we go forward.

The prayer updates about Kaia spread from our small circle of friends and family to thousands of people, who prayed for and loved Kaia during her 20 days of life. The prayer updates were put together into a book, in hopes that Kaia’s story would continue to point others to Jesus and encourage them to trust Him in the midst of difficult circumstances. Pray For Kaia: She Is Such A Gift can be found here, or for more information about the book and about Kaia’s story, go to www.prayforkaia.com.

This guest post was written by Ryan Donovan. He is graduate of Multnomah University in Portland, OR and serves as the Youth and Ministry Pastor at Evergreen Bible Church in Vancouver, WA.

Josh GriffinMore PostsGUEST POST: The 5 Hardest Things You May Have to Do in Youth Ministry

As I prepare to make somewhat of a transition in my ministry and in my life, It’s been hitting me hard that at some point in the next few weeks or months, I’m going to have to say Good bye to my students. It’s tough because I know there are many different kind’s of Goodbye’s in Youth Ministry, mainly Goodbye have fun in college or Goodbye I’m leaving.

But today it hit me that there are a lot of tough things that Youth Pastor’s have to do as part of their job that no class in seminary can ever prepare you for.

I thought I’d make a list of the 5 Hardest things to do, mainly to pass along to some of my friends graduating this May to go into the wild with. Luckily, I have only had to deal with a few of these things, if you have done them all then I simply say thank you for loving kids.

1. Do the funeral of a Student in your Ministry

2. Help hurting students as their Parent’s go through a Divorce

3. Be with a student as they explain to their parents they are pregnant

4. Say Goodbye to a Ministry you are leaving

5. Explain to your Youth why you got Fired without causing further damage to the Church

Ben Read is the Pastor to Students and Director of Family Ministries at West Gate Baptist Church in Trenton, IL. He and his wife Sarah have no children, just a black lab named Max. Check out his blog, Small Town Student Ministry, right here.