small group leaders | More Than Dodgeball

Colton HarkerMore Posts Small Group Leader Tips

Recently, I got one of my good friends to help me co-lead my small group. Leading a small group is his very first taste of youth ministry and it has been such a cool thing to be a part of. One of the cool parts about helping him is realizing how much God has taught me about leading a small group over the past three years. I thought I would share three of the most important lessons that I shared with him:

-It’s all about the discussion! Small group isn’t the place the lecture. Too often, small group leaders take up their entire lesson sharing what they want to talk about. While I admire their passion for sharing what God has put on their heart, small group is a place where students learn and discover, and a part of the process is making them do a little work. Small group is a place for students to grow together as a group. They should be processing and engaging with each other. As a small group leader, we are simply there to facilitate a conversation. Always find a way to get them talking and engaging with the material. They should be speaking WAY more than you should be.

-Meet them where they are at. I feel like this is something that many first year small group leaders struggle with. Part of being a small group leader is being intuitive. You need to be able to feel out where your students are at. I think some first time leaders go into it expecting high school students to know a lot about the Bible already, so they plan lessons about advanced doctrine. The truth is, many students aren’t ready for that, many students still can’t even tell you the Gospel! We have to see where are students are at in their faith and meet them there. Don’t wait for them to catch up to where you want them to be, go back and help them get there.

-You have to invest in social stock. I was talking with a small group leader about spending time with students and he didn’t see the point of just getting lunch with a student without a deep, life-changing conversation. What he hadn’t realized yet is the power of social stock. You can’t expect every student to immediately open up to you. You need to build social stock. Every inside joke, every Starbucks run, every midnight Denny’s breakfast builds your stock with them, allowing them to learn to respect you, trust you, and feel comfortable being vulnerable around you. Social stock is what takes a student from just hearing you, to listening to you. It is what lets you speak truth into their lives. This social stock is one of the most powerful tools we have in relational ministry.

What is one thing you would make sure to tell a first time small group leader?

Colton [Email||Twitter]

4 View Comments April 11, 2013

Chris WesleyMore Posts Why Small Groups Last

As my small group of high school guys entered into their junior year of high school I remember feeling a little anxiety. Typically this is the year that small groups are tested because of the amount of distractions and obstacles the students face. Teens are beginning to think about college, and classes are more intense. For many of them they are making the varsity team which means a different commitment. Some of them are looking to get their driver’s license, which means they have a little more freedom and a little less accountability to show up from their parents. As the teens get older, their commitment to the group is tested.

But, there are those groups that last. There are those groups that not only stay strong; but, withstand the transitions of seasons. Why is that? Is it the leader? The teens? While those are huge factors there are a few steps every leader should take to ensure their small groups last through the years. Those steps are:

Communicating Consistently – Your group needs to hear your voice more than just at the weekly gatherings. Check-in with them during the week. Talk with their parents. Make your relationship with them consistent. Communicating consistently helps you become a regular voice in their life. Whether it’s an invitation to join group each week or a shout out on Twitter, letting them know you’re invested will go far.

Meeting Outside The Usual – On top of your weekly gatherings try to get together for a mission project or fellowship gathering. It’s easy to forget how hard it is for these teens to find healthy social opportunities. By getting them together outside of the small group you turn it from a “church” thing into a life group.

Connecting One On One – It might be a challenge, but when you can meet one on one with your teens you begin to understand the dynamics of the group. This helps you lead discussions in your group in a way that promotes depth. The teens will feel like you know them personally because of your private conversations. It will encourage them to open up in ways they couldn’t have before.

Setting Goals And Vision – Every church needs goals and vision. Doesn’t matter if it’s thousands of people or half a dozen, without vision the people will perish. Your small group needs goals and vision to grow and go deeper. It allows the group to go from a social hour into something lasting.

Leading a small group is an investment. It will be tested; however, by getting to know each individual and challenging them with different opportunities, the group will strengthen.

How do you strengthen your small groups?

Chris Wesley (@chrisrwesley)

1 View Comments December 20, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Don’t Dump Responsibility, Empower Leaders

Most youth workers I know have one thing in common…they try to do too much. Many of us are perfectionists. Many leaders care so much that they give too much. Many leaders don’t know how to recruit. Sometimes we just reach teens quickly and we seem to never be able to catch up.

I have been that guy trying to do everything. I finally started asking for help but I made a critical mistake. I started dumping responsibility on people who were willing instead of looking for leaders who could partner with me in ministry. When you dump responsibility you look for a willing person and give them stuff to do that you don’t want to mess with. You basically ask them to do the work and leave you alone so you can do other things. Sure, it helps for the short term but when they have other things to do they will hand you back the responsibility. I leaned in the process I needed sharp leaders who would partner with me in ministry so they understood the why behind the what! Here are four kinds of leaders we need to be empowering…

Small Group Leaders / these are leaders who will invest in teens intentionally like you wish you could do for every teen. They will mentor, guide, clarify, instruct, encourage, and pray for teens on a weekly basis. These leaders are extensions of you doing youth ministry and they are the most important partners you will have.
Detail Leaders / these are leaders who are gifted administratively and can help you by talking care of the details that bog us down on a weekly basis. These leaders can organize, delegate, and systematize but they may not be great with teens. Let them thrive in the detail so you can lead the big picture!
Presence Leaders / these are leaders who care for teens but may not be ready to lead a small group. They just want to serve teens and help where needed when they are available. They love teens and they love your ministry but they have other things that pull them away from leading a small group. Let them run a cafe, work the parking lot, or help run games during programing.
Tech Leaders / these are leaders who love the digital side of what we do but may not be good at other areas of student ministry! Let them make your environment look , feel, and sound better.

What are some “leader types” that you empowered and they made you and your ministry better? What keeps you from empowering leaders?

Michael Bayne is Family and Student Pastor at Grace Community Church, Clarksville TN. Follow him on Twitter at @michael_bayne and read more of his writing at www.michaelbayne.net

1 View Comments November 21, 2012

Geoff StewartMore Posts Are You a Volunteer?

A few weeks ago our leadership team gathered in my tiny town home for ice cream sundaes, talking, praying and planning the next few months. Whenever we meet I always make a point to thank them for giving up so much of their personal time to serve the Kingdom by loving students. Our team members on average serve 6 hours per week on top of full time jobs and or university. I am humbled by the commitment of my volunteers, as they give up hundreds of hours a year.

One thing that new members of our volunteer team find surprising is that all the paid staff in the youth department are all volunteers as well. We work during the day and at 5pm on our youth night we become volunteers. When they ask why, my answer is simple: How could I ask you to do something that I wouldn’t do myself?

It seems obvious to me that we would serve alongside our leaders and give as much or more as they do, modelling a servant-like attitude. I recognize for some it is not that easy due to multiple services or multi-event weeks, but at a minimum should we not serve as a volunteer for the same amount of hours as an average volunteer in our ministry?

Maybe you coach a team or serve somewhere else but I have to ask, shouldn’t we be volunteers too?

Geoff – (Twitter)

3 View Comments October 31, 2012

Geoff StewartMore Posts The Power Of Your Unique Voice

My of my great joys in ministry is being able to train volunteer and youth workers from different Churches and work to equip them to leader better. One of the most important things that I try and help them understand is that they have a voice in their student’s lives that is unlike any other. Students have all kinds of people that influence them and when it comes to adults in their lives, teachers, parents and youth workers are often the big three.

But it’s important that we recognize that our voice is unlike any other in the life of High School students and here is why:

Our Voice is Unique: When it comes to adults in a teen’s life, at some point they have to listen to their parents and they have to listen to their teachers as well. Students don’t have to listen to us, they choose to. They have to go to school, have to live at home, but choose to go to youth group. The fact that students choose to listen to us means that our voice has weight and influence. We can meet a student for coffee; something they might be mortified to do with their parent and not allowed to do with a teacher, it’s a great setup for us.

Our Voice Is Respected: When students choose to listen to us, it’s a statement of respect that they value what we say. Being a youth worker is a bit of a hybrid of the friend / mentor role and with that comes the ability to speak into the life of a student with wisdom and life experience. When our voice is respected, our lives are as well so be mindful of what you endorse, intentionally or accidentally.

Our Voice Can Be Objective: Being slightly removed from life at home and life at school coupled with the relationship we have with students gives us a unique perspective that has little obvious bias other than to uphold Biblical values. Helping students to look outside themselves and to look at a situation in a different way is challenging but doable. This is a keen opportunity for us to help students experience Matthew 5 conflict resolution and encourage them through the process as a supportive third party.

Recognizing my unique voice was a bit of a Spider-man moment for me, you know? – With great power comes great responsibility, but a better example would be in Luke 12:48 “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded”. You have an incredibly powerful and influential voice in the life of a young person. Use it wisely to pour into them, challenge them and build them up into young men and women after God’s own heart. We need to know this, our leaders need to know this.

-Geoff (Twitter)

2 View Comments October 19, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts If You Expect Excellence … You Have to Equip People

Recently I realized that if I am expecting excellence from someone … they need to have the tools to get there.

In youth ministry that isn’t always easy or sometimes possible – often we make do with ministry hand-me-downs and meet in youth rooms made from the old converted sanctuary. But when you expect excellence from your people, make sure you’ve done your best to equip them.

Want great small group leaders? Make sure your training is thorough and complete. Include supplemental trainings via email or video when you see a gap in their preparedness.
Want to develop some great teachers? Invite them into your prep process and allow them to be a part of the debrief and evaluation process afterward.
Want to raise up the next youth pastor in your church? Give him/her the books and resources to read and a place to dialogue what they are learning.
Want great videos? Make sure your volunteer has access to a great camera and a fast machine to edit on.

Too often we just expect people to be great … without ever doing the hard work of clearing the path to greatness. You can’t ask them to create the world without giving them a paintbrush. This week look for some places where you have expectations that aren’t being met and see if there is a gap in helping someone realistically get there.

JG

1 View Comments September 5, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Does Your Small Group Have THE TALKER?

The beauty of leading a small group is getting to see it grow throughout the years. But, getting started can be rough especially if you have that one kid who talks and talks and talks. At first you like him or her because they take care of the awkward silence. You think, “Awesome, I have someone participating and I don’t have to do all the talking.”

Then, you begin to notice that they are the ONLY student talking, which prevents the other ones from chiming in. You also begin to notice your patience wear thin because not only do they answer every question but they begin to talk for what seems like hours. You are tempted to yell, “SHUT UP!” but common sense tells you that wouldn’t go over well. You don’t want to lose the group; yet, avoid embarrassing the teen. What do you do?

Meet Beforehand – Grab them before small group and be honest with them. Let them know you appreciate their sharing; however, you want to make sure that everyone has a chance to speak. Be prepared because they might feel a little insulted by your confrontation. Telling them to listen more and speak less might sound like they don’t have anything wise to contribute; therefore, make a plan to follow up after group.

Sit Next To Them – By sitting next to the talkers you are able to give them physical cues if they are talking too much. Placing a hand on their shoulder is a subtle way of interrupting them. You can also whisper to them encouragement if they are getting anxious by letting others speak.

Assign Questions – Talkers talk because they either feel like they always have something to contribute or they are afraid of silence. To give them an out to their urges and fears assign questions to the rest of the group. Instead of having anyone chime in, give the first response to someone specific.

Follow Up – Either right after the group or the next day meet up with the talker to reflect on their behavior. Affirm them with what they did well; ask them their opinion and then address where improvement is necessary. Because the group is fresh on everyone’s mind, you can point to specific examples of when they listened and when they dominated the conversation.

Some people will be talkers for life; however, the more the group gets to know them the pressure won’t fall on you to give others a chance to speak. The more you check-in and communicate with the talker the less you’ll have to take the steps mentioned above. Just be persistent with reaching out and leading the group. Again, small group dynamics is a growing process.

How do you deal with talkers?

Chris Wesley is the Director of Student Ministry at Church of the Nativity in Timonium, MD. You can read more great youth ministry articles and thoughts on his exceptional blog Marathon Youth Ministry.

Add Comment July 22, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts How to Communicate with Students

Thought we would take a quick look this week at ways to communicate with students—ways that are Hot or Not. Here’s our take; feel free to offer your opinion in the comments as well:

HOT: Facebook
This is where our money is at right now—the highlight of the tools we’re using to communicate with students. The only downside is that a youth ministry page requires constant updates and management to really be effective. And there’s a desire to spend time on our OWN pages instead of building up the church site. Facebook is where it’s at, so get on board to get it mastered just in time for your students to move on to something else.

NOTE: Our junior high ministry uses Facebook, but not as strategically as high school. We walk a fine line due to the reality that Facebook has age restrictions, but most junior highers are still there.

NOT: Email
When you’re communicating to parents, email is as hot as can be. The older people get the more possessive/stagnant they become with technology. Students on the other hand are quick to jump on what is next, usually before adults have even heard of it. If you are emailing students and it is working, realize that it is a miracle of God and won’t last very long. Email is out.

HOT: Texting
Probably right up there with Facebook is texting—it comes in two flavors: individual and mass, and both work incredibly well. Use a service like Simply Text or Duffled to build a list of everyone, and don’t discount the power of a personal text from their small group leader or youth pastor. Texting is where it is at right now for sure.

NOT: Paper
You’ve gotten very good at Publisher 2003. I get it. You like clip art and flyers made on the church photocopier. We do too, but those days have past. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

HOT: Facebook event pages
Different from your main Facebook page are the event pages you create for service projects, mission trips, or special events. These are usually syncing with many students’ phones now, so you get calendar reminders as well as triggers built into to social media. A classic win-win-win situation.

HOT: Calendars
Calendars, if they make it home, have a tremendous return. Put a magnet on the back and you might get on the refrigerator for 2-3 months!

NOT: mass postcards in the mail
The shelf life is just too short for a postcard for a series and the cost is typically prohibitive, too. I love these and am sad to see them already fading out, but unless you’ve got cash to spare or a cheap printer to crank them out this one is dropping quickly.

HOT: individualized postcards from small group leaders
This one will never go out of style. Try it out this week: Pick up some postage-paid postcards and scribble out a few handwritten notes this week and see if it works. Or just trust us…no technology will ever replace the power of a handwritten note!

This post was written by Josh Griffin and Kurt Johnston and originally appeared as part of Simply Youth Ministry Today free newsletter. Subscribe to SYM Today right here.