small group leaders | More Than Dodgeball

Josh GriffinMore Posts Great Small Group Questions

Thought Matt and Doug had a great series of questions for small group leaders to ask their students – getting to know your kids or getting to know them better. Head there for the whole list and some tips on how to use them, and if you’re not getting the daily email from YouthMinistry.com - sign up for it (it is FREE and awesome) right here.

35 trigger questions to spark conversation:
1. How are you involved at your school? (Clubs, cheer, band, sports?)
2. What was a highlight of your week?
3. What is something you did this summer that was fun?
4. What is your absolute favorite thing to do?
5. If you could have free tickets to any concert, where/who would it be?
6. What is your favorite subject at school?
7. Who is your favorite teacher and what do you like about him/her?
8. Are you the type who gets things done early or waits till the last minute?
9. What do you normally do when you have free time?
10. Where’s your favorite place to eat?
11. What’s the best Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
12. What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

JG

1 View Comments July 29, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Alaina Hart — Newest Member of the HSM Team

Pleased to announce that Alaina Hart has officially joined the HSM team here at Saddleback – she’s my new assistant and the team admin. We promoted from within yet again, Alaina is a great small group leader and now on staff helping us pull of great stuff behind the scenes. If you ever call HSM, you’re probably talk to her – at least, when she returns from Paris on a mission trip she’s on this week. So glad to have her on the team!

JG

2 View Comments July 12, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Summer Challenge for Small Group Students

One of our small group leaders named Dennis (who runs volunteeryouthministry.com) had a great post about challenging his small group boys with next steps over the summer. Some good stuff in

1. Grow spiritually! Just as they should be further along spiritually than they were when the school year began, they should be further along spiritually in the Fall when we come back together for small groups. To help them do that, I remind them of some of our discipleship tools (HABITS — see the link below) they can do on their own. I actually have a few copies there so they can take something with them if they choose.

2. Stay connected! Even though we are not having small groups over the summer, there are plenty of ways for them to stay connected through the church. I have plenty of our ministry’s summer calendars so those who don’t already have them can grab one. I especially highlight our summer camp because that’s where the best connections and spiritual decisions are made.

JG

1 View Comments June 22, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts 24 Do’s and Don’ts for Small Group Leaders

Loved this free eBook from Matt McGill and the youthministry.com team – 24 Do’s and Don’ts for Small Group Leaders. Some good stuff to adapt for your leaders or print out and use as is. Check it out! Here’s a clip:

13. Do be delicate when correcting.Your students will say something that’s way off track…that’s OK! Think of all the stupid things you’ve ever said… You can begin with, “on the surface, that seems right…” or “I used to think that too…” (if you did!). There’s no one size fits all, but be gentle, or no one will want to risk and share again.

14. Don’t feel like you have to finish, complete, or correct a student’s answer. Everything said in your small group doesn’t have to be “right” or “fixed.”

15. Do be honest if you don’t know an answer. No one knows everything; it’s OK if you can’t answer a question. Be gracious, admit your ignorance, and look for answers for your next meeting. Not knowing an answer can encourage your students a ton.

16. Don’t read questions off the leader’s guide. If you are prepared, you’ll only need to glance at your notes.

17. Do put the questions into your own language. Be natural and communicate the same questions in your own words.

18. Don’t be too scripted. Preparation is great, but so is flexibility! Making changes on the fly is OK, even necessary at times. Knowing where you want your students to end (your objectives) is key. Keep your group focused while remaining flexible.

JG

Add Comment June 17, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Small Group Leaders: What to Do When You Mess Up

It wasn’t that long ago a small group leader in our ministry called me to talk about a big mistake he had made. It involved a group of guys, Buffalo wings, and a little restaurant called … Hooters. The next few hours after that phone call were critical–we were fortunate that it was an experienced volunteer who followed these three steps to re-establish trust with the parents of the kids involved. Here’s what we did:

Own it without excuses
There is nothing like just owning a mistake that you made; honesty and openness are essential for rebuilding trust. The last thing you would want to do is to minimize what happened and pretend it isn’t a big deal. It is a big deal, and it needs an owner. You committed the foul, so take your lumps.

Apologize for what you’ve done and start over
So you’ve been honest about what happened; now it is time to apologize for it and admit you were wrong. This isn’t going to be easy, but it is a sign of humility, repentance, and your humanity. I always tell my leaders, don’t try to appear perfect because it doesn’t set a realistic example for your students to follow.

Earn the trust back one good decision at a time
It might take some time, but work hard not to repeat the same bad decision and play it safe. You are a leader and it is time to get back to leading again. A great way to communicate your good-faith effort is to invite a co-leader into your group or on events with you. Another great trust-building exercise is to give detailed plans of your intentions at least a week in advance. This will give parents an opportunity to address concerns and peace of mind that your plans are sound.

Keep in mind: The longer you’ve served and the more deposits you’ve made into the longevity bank, the more you will be trusted despite a few setbacks.

JG

Add Comment June 10, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts Saying Goodbye is Part of Youth Ministry

Here’s a shot from this weekend – we gathered up a bunch of students on stage to say goodbye to a couple of long-time staff members and friends. Jared (on staff a few years ago focusing on Student Leadership) and Alanna (on staff currently as worship/music coordinator) are headed to Virginia as youth workers at a great church there. Made me think about something I’ve been learning the last few weeks again – part of youth ministry is saying goodbye:

Goodbye to graduating seniors
This is the time of year when you have to say goodbye to students that have hit for the cycle and are heading out. Some seniors you may be pretty excited to say goodbye to and some you will literally shed tears over. Either way, saying goodbye is part of the gig.

Goodbye to great volunteers
The end of the school year is also a time when volunteers start to think about what’s next. Small group leaders that finish with seniors might think about moving to another ministry. Life stage changes mess with availability and commitments, and parting ways with your student ministry might be part of that evolution.

Goodbye to great members of the staff
This is the toughest – sometimes people on your church staff transition, too. This isn’t always a bad thing! Could be a great promotion, a clear calling from God, a chance to take a step of faith to whatever it is that God has next.

Of course, remember that the end doesn’t have to be the end. The relationships you build with students, volunteers and staff can last way beyond the years where your paths intersect directly. Either way, youth workers who come to terms with having to say goodbye is wise.

JG

2 View Comments June 2, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts The App That Taught a Powerful Small Group Lesson

Was talking to one of our small group leaders this weekend – he told me a story about how his small group got on the subject of sex the other night and how he handled it.

The boys had varied opinions on sex and were freely commenting about how far was too far, girls and using protection. One of the boys blurted out, “What’s the big deal with it all – that’s why you wear a condom.” The comment was met with silence … then the leader said how that among other reasons like abstinence and God’s plan for sex, 17% of the time condoms fail and you could be in serious trouble.

One of the other students in the small group said, “Yeah, it’s like playing Russian Roulette when you do that. Totally not worth it.” He grabbed out his iPhone and fired up the Russian Roulette app. They they took turns pulling the virtual trigger around the room, one kid at a time.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Bang. The “condom comment” kid got shot.

I suppose you just pray and close after that, right?

JG

3 View Comments May 19, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts How to Handle Discipline in Your Small Group

FIRST … determine who really needs to be corrected:

If it is a group problem, address it as a group.

If it’s a couple of people, pull them aside together.

If it is an individual problem, address the individual.

THEN … talk to the appropriate people.

Pull them aside
Don’t pull off a major correction in front of the whole group; make sure you pull people aside after group time and begin a conversation. If you are fortunate enough to have a co-leader and the situation is distractive enough, the co-leader could remove the student.

Be clear on what they’re doing wrong
Address the problem directly. If it is causing a problem with the whole group, help the student to see how his or her actions are distracting everyone. Usually a student will know, but some are so self-absorbed, they don’t realize how they are affecting those around them.

Show grace
Be quick to show grace in this situation. You did it–you initiated the conversation and asked them to make the change. Be strong and firm, but followed quickly by love, mercy, and grace. The more seasoned the youth worker, the easier it usually is to show grace. If you are new to youth ministry, carefully temper your response. A line I used last night that had an immediate and positive response was, “You will never do that again.” Sometimes solving a behavioral issue will be that simple.

Look for and encourage correct behavior
Be on the lookout for when the student follows your rules–when you see it, make sure you comment on it and encourage the student when he or she has a good night. Your affirmation will be meaningful and restorative.

Followup later after a set amount of time
If appropriate, set a follow-up date to make sure that the student has made the appropriate changes. Use this time to build a stronger relational connection with your student–the bond will prevent it from happening again–or if it does happen again, you’ll have an open door to correcting the behavior.

JG

If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor (Proverbs 15:31-33).

Some suggested youth ministry resources to help small group leaders: