talking to teenagers | More Than Dodgeball

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Does Your Talk Have STAR Moments?

In reading Nancy Duarte’s HBR Guide to Persuasive Presentations, Duarte refers to messages having STAR moments. The acronym STAR referring to “Something They Always Remember.”

When preparing and delivering talks to young adult and teenage audiences, this piece of advice is even more crucial. Whether the STAR quality is an unforgettable visual, a story, or even a token they take home, it is vitally important for the “stickiness” of your message.

Recently, we did a message called “What’s in Your Box?” where we focused on all of the various “stuff” that each of us carries around inside our little “box” and try to keep hidden from others. The message closed with James 5:16 (confess your sins and pray for each other) and the students were encouraged to come to the front, grab a small box, and find someone to open their box to and share what is hidden inside (sin, failure, mistakes, suffering, etc). Afterward, the students took their boxes home and were encouraged to put them in a prominent place in their room where they would be reminded to continue to live their lives “open” with one another.

Whereas many students (and most adults for that matter) walk away from a message and forget what they have heard fifteen minutes later, you want to leave them with something they will never forget. Not only will it reinforce the principle or scripture that you are trying to teach, but will be a STAR that they (or the Holy Spirit) can draw upon months, years, or even decades later.

Matt Maiberger is the High School Pastor at Southeast Christian Church. This is his first guest post of hopefully many more to come.

2 View Comments November 21, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Does Your Small Group Have THE TALKER?

The beauty of leading a small group is getting to see it grow throughout the years. But, getting started can be rough especially if you have that one kid who talks and talks and talks. At first you like him or her because they take care of the awkward silence. You think, “Awesome, I have someone participating and I don’t have to do all the talking.”

Then, you begin to notice that they are the ONLY student talking, which prevents the other ones from chiming in. You also begin to notice your patience wear thin because not only do they answer every question but they begin to talk for what seems like hours. You are tempted to yell, “SHUT UP!” but common sense tells you that wouldn’t go over well. You don’t want to lose the group; yet, avoid embarrassing the teen. What do you do?

Meet Beforehand – Grab them before small group and be honest with them. Let them know you appreciate their sharing; however, you want to make sure that everyone has a chance to speak. Be prepared because they might feel a little insulted by your confrontation. Telling them to listen more and speak less might sound like they don’t have anything wise to contribute; therefore, make a plan to follow up after group.

Sit Next To Them – By sitting next to the talkers you are able to give them physical cues if they are talking too much. Placing a hand on their shoulder is a subtle way of interrupting them. You can also whisper to them encouragement if they are getting anxious by letting others speak.

Assign Questions – Talkers talk because they either feel like they always have something to contribute or they are afraid of silence. To give them an out to their urges and fears assign questions to the rest of the group. Instead of having anyone chime in, give the first response to someone specific.

Follow Up – Either right after the group or the next day meet up with the talker to reflect on their behavior. Affirm them with what they did well; ask them their opinion and then address where improvement is necessary. Because the group is fresh on everyone’s mind, you can point to specific examples of when they listened and when they dominated the conversation.

Some people will be talkers for life; however, the more the group gets to know them the pressure won’t fall on you to give others a chance to speak. The more you check-in and communicate with the talker the less you’ll have to take the steps mentioned above. Just be persistent with reaching out and leading the group. Again, small group dynamics is a growing process.

How do you deal with talkers?

Chris Wesley is the Director of Student Ministry at Church of the Nativity in Timonium, MD. You can read more great youth ministry articles and thoughts on his exceptional blog Marathon Youth Ministry.

Add Comment July 22, 2012

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Protecting the Pulpit – Good or Bad

In the past few months I have had the pleasure of visiting several different youth groups, some of them big and some of them small. As I sat and enjoyed listening to the various people who took to the platform to speak and share, I noticed two distinct value systems around pulpit ministry in youth groups.

The first was a very calculated and intentional approach to selecting those that would speak to the students, the other was a much more casual approach, allowing students to speak as well as leaders. I am not totally sure where I lean to, because I think there is tremendous value in both and perhaps the answer lies in the middle.

PROTECTED PULPIT
This idea would place high importance of having only the best, most well spoken speaker in front of your students. Choosing those who have the most thorough knowledge of the Bible to be the core speakers to your students. These people are effective and deliberate communicators.

Pros:
I love the idea of always bringing the best to students and choosing to only put the best most qualified people in front of your students means that they are going to get a solid, scripture based message every time they come to youth. Students deserve the best leaders and that includes preachers and having someone communicate a message well increases the likelihood that the students will remember what was said.

Cons:
If not balanced out, it may seem as though pulpit ministry is only for those who are well polished “professional Christians” who have a clear calling to preaching ministry. This approach can come at the detriment of students and leaders who might be called to the same, but have not place to explore those gifts and can make attaining that level seem out of reach.

OPEN PULPIT
The idea of students and leaders sharing the things that God is teaching them; to me, is inspiring. Allowing students to be a part of the preaching and exploring their gifts and potential calling, it is just so real.

Pros:
There is honesty, transparency and raw faith when students come share about what God is doing their lives. I have seen so many times where a student’s testimony has had a greater impact than the best-crafted sermon. When students share about their faith journey it comes across real and authentic and for the audience, it portrays a faith that is relatable and attainable.

Cons:
If unchecked this can be somewhat of a disaster, where students are allowed to teach, or share their testimonies it can quickly go from God entered to “me” centered. I once found out afterwards that a student told multiple lies in his testimony just to impress our group. If we are not careful, and expecting students and leaders to be prepared to share, the pulpit can become a soapbox for anyone who wants to talk, which can compromise the purpose of the teaching time.

My encouragement to you is to find ways to keep the pulpit open, open to those whose desire is not to glorify themselves, but glorify God through their speaking, those that want to bring a word, a truth. It is up to us as youth workers to make sure that when someone takes the stage, they are prepared and ready. That does not mean, perfect and professional but sharing a Christ-centered message that is from the heart.

Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and regularly contributes GUEST POSTS to MTDB. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for awesome ministry goodness. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? See how right here.

Josh GriffinMore Posts How to Greet Students at Your Entry-Level Program

You’ve got some leaders showing up to youth group – but after a few weeks they fall into the dreaded trap of standing in the back of the room as chaperones instead of shepherds. They need modeling on how to talk to teenagers and some training! Saw this on the YS Blog and am going to steal it for our ministry, too. Here’s a clip from 10 Tips to a 1st Encounter:

1. Say hello!
Don’t be shy! Take the initiative to introduce yourself. Although their body language may be showing otherwise, students want a warm welcome!

2. Understand the context
Let your surroundings and circumstances dictate how to begin the conversation. For instance, if you’re meeting at a food place, talk about what’s good to eat, at a movie theater, what movie to see, etc.

3. Pay attention
You’ll learn a lot about people from their body language and the words and phrases they use. Listen and watch carefully

4. Pay attention, part 2
Your own body language will determine how willing and interested you are to actually have a conversation. Be authentic. Students know whether you are genuinely interested or not.

5. Let’em shine!
Encourage students to talk about themselves by asking about their interests, tattoos, jewelry, bad breath, etc.