This week I’ve talked to a couple youth workers who had come down with the same symptoms of a serious disease that infects all of us from time to time: they stopped believing in their church. We’ve all been there (if you haven’t welcome to your first few months in youth ministry – I promise you it is just ahead). So what is your response?

Time for a change in attitude
Quite often when you stop believing in your church or leadership it is time for prayer, not departure. Seasons of discord and discontent are common in ministry – your first response to a frustration should be prayer and consideration to the fact you may just be out of line. Ask God to show you were you need to change, rather than quickly dismiss your inadequacies, arrogance or pride. A just a little heads up – usually you don’t see yourself very well and someone will have to help you with your attitude adjustment. It won’t feel very good.

Time for a change in your job description
Most frustrations can be addressed by a simple change in a job description. Did your youth ministry position recently morph into an associate pastor type of role? Does your job look WAY different than what was pitched to you when you were hired? If you’re feeling it right now, write up some adjustments to your description (or help yourself by writing an official job description if your church never gave you one) that is fulfilling of your responsibilities and  calling.

Time for a change in your leader
It’s possible that the leadership you report to needs to change. It will be very difficult to truly discern this – they need to sense God’s Spirit leading them and hear the words of wisdom in their Christian community. Pray that God will open their eyes to poor leadership decisions and pray that you may have a role in helping shape the vision which you are about to abandon because you’re giving up hope.

Time for a change in where you serve
If it isn’t an attitude problem on your part. If your job cannot be edited and adjusted to be a better fit. If your leader is unwilling or unable to change, you might need to begin praying about what God has next for you. When you stop believing in a church or a leader I believe you are quite possibly in the early stages of transition. I put this option last for a reason – this is usually what I flirt with first when I’m losing the vision for the church. Fight through the other steps first, and if/when you get here, pray for clarity and wisdom.

To youth workers who are hurting … I’ve walked that road in the past, and still dabble in it now from time to time. Don’t stop believing … and when you do check your heart, your role, your leader and if God wants to make a change.

JG

Too often I hear youth workers say something like, “I love my youth group, but I wouldn’t go to church here if it wasn’t my job.” I honestly understand this sentiment, and realize that most of the time it is just a season of frustration with the style or leadership in a given period of time. But sometimes it isn’t a light statement, it is actually very serious. And if you find yourself in this situation, I think you’ve only got about three choices:

Get on board
I’d start with you – maybe you need a change of heart. Have some dialogue with the powers that be in your church to better understand the context of their decisions and choices. Perhaps you are frustrated out of ignorance and a little more knowledge will help you get a bigger picture of what they are trying to accomplish. Style preferences are unavoidable, some things you just have to learn to live with. You’ll never lose with humility so it is a good place to start.

Lead the change
Different opinions and outside perspective can be healthy to a church – being divisive behind the scenes certainly isn’t. If you’re frustrated with your church to the point you may even reconsider serving there, be a part of the solution and not the problem. Maybe you stepping up is exactly what the church needs to help them in a time of transition. Help lead the change.

Get out
This one isn’t to be taken lightly, but perhaps literally. If you wouldn’t attend the church you are the youth worker at and have no desire to lead them into a time of transition – get out. Don’t take a paycheck from the church, tithe money, if you aren’t all in. Remember a period of frustration isn’t worth leaving over, if youth workers did that our tenure would be even worse. But if there’s no hope and you’ve done all you can, it might be time to ask God what is next.

What do you think? Open to discussion/objections in the comments. Fire away!

JG

From time to time I post a youth ministry question that I’ve received and leave it to you, the MTDB youth ministry community, to answer it. This one from a youth worker in Pennsylvania, but it could be from anyone since it applies to so many. Chime in with your wisdom, response and best practices. Go!

I’m a youth pastor that is considering a move from Sunday School to in-home small groups. I wanted some advice on how to make the transition, and if it was the right decision at all. It seems like a good move for us, but there are so many variables. Would appreciate any help – thanks!

JG

Looking for a youth ministry position? Is your church looking for a youth pastor? Simply Youth Ministry has just launched their Youth Ministry Jobs site – might be a great place to start! Excited about the potential of this new tool …

JG

Doug Fields, Josh Griffin, Katie Edwards and Matt McGill return for episode 160. The gang quickly jump into your questions about: Doug’s blog, a volunteer dating students, teaching help, picking volunteers for events, student leadership conference, depression and suicide, and feeling bad about leaving a ministry.

JG

There are some tough times in youth ministry. If you haven’t experienced them yet, wait until about year four or so, where by then it will for sure meet you at the door. If you are doing effective, in the trenches ministry – there is going to come a time when you’ll feel like quitting. Honestly? I think no matter what kind of ministry you are doing you’ll eventually feel this way. No one is invincible from the urge to walk away. Here are the 3 times when I feel it the worst:

After the best event of your youth ministry career
When you are disconnected from the church, you are in danger. Have you ever come back from a mission trip on a high that no one else was on? Have you ever walked inside the church riding a high after the biggest overnighter in the history of your church only to be greeted be an angry parent or vindictive trustee? Maybe you’ve just given a project your all, and you saw God do something amazing, and you’re immediately called to lead something else and you were just hoping for a break. A key moment of vulnerability is when you are on top of the world.

After a key relational breakdown
There’s nothing worse than an intense conflict with your supervisor, senior pastor or key volunteer. When relationships go bad it becomes difficult to turn it off – instead just the opposite happens and it consumes us. Nothing hurts like when your friends leave you, when someone stabs you in the back, or when someone walks away from the church/God and blames it on you. The pain just doesn’t go away over night – often times it takes time or even a miracle to restore a relationship.

After a tough year
Sometimes it isn’t a key person, event or incident that triggers the feelings toward leaving – often times it is just the pile on effect of a tough season. A series of challenging moments, not enough to topple your strength by themselves, join forces together and can push me over the edge.

How do I fight back? Another blog post for another time. All I will say for now is that while youth ministry has its challenging moments, it is worth it. You are making a difference. And on the other side of pain and the feelings to quit is a strength you may have never even known you had inside you. Fight the good fight, friends. How about you? Share your moment of weakness in the comments.

JG

We recently had one of our long-time, faithful leaders step out to pursue other opportunities that God had placed in their life. As a team we struggled with the tension between being thankful that they were following God’s will for their lives and the sorrow that we felt at their departure. How do you lead a team through the process of losing a leader? I’m sure that I botched it completely at several points over the past few months but there are some things that I learned along the way.

#1 Always honor the outgoing leader
This looks different for every leader. Some people like attention and don’t mind being called up front as you attempt to thank them for everything that they’ve done and meant to students. Some leaders hate the spotlight and a quiet thank you in private is what they need to hear as you express your gratefulness. It’s often tempting to honor leaders in a way that you would be honored. If you’re an upfront type person that likes the spotlight, don’t assume that everyone likes that. It could do more harm than good to honor someone in a way that you  would be honored without asking yourself how they will receive it. Hopefully you know your leaders well enough to know which kind of leader they are and how they would feel appreciated. However they receive honor, find a way to convey your gratitude to them in a way that they will enjoy and appreciate it. This will also show your existing team that you’ll care enough about who they are to honor them appropriately when their time to exit comes.

#2 Publicly support the outgoing leaders decision to leave
Whether you agree with the decision or not, it’s your job as the point person to support their decision to step out. It doesn’t matter if you think they are making a terrible decision or if you think they are making the right decision. It doesn’t matter how much extra work their leaving will create for you or if their leaving means that you have less work. No matter what your personal feelings on their leaving, it is your job to publicly support them. Trust that God has spoken to them and has a plan for your life. It’s entirely possible and even probable that God has plans for their live that He chooses not to share with you. Not an easy pill for an egotist like me to swallow but sometimes God does things without consulting me. Whether I agree with the decision or not, I have to publicly support it. If for no other reason, it shows your remaining leaders that they will be honored and trusted when they choose to step out. If you choose to bash the exiting leaders decision, you should be prepared for a mass exodus of other leaders who have no desire to serve with someone who won’t protect and look after their well-being.

#3 Look for ways to stretch existing or new leaders to fill the hole that your departing leader left
Whenever a leader leaves, they leave a hole of things that they brought to the ministry. Instead of grieving that hole and loss, find a way to stretch other leaders to help fill that hole. Maybe you already have a leader on your team that would be really good at something but the old leader was already doing it and there wasn’t room for them to utilize their gifts. This might be the perfect opportunity to stretch your existing leaders and allow them a chance to use the gifts that God has given them. It might also be a good time to recruit new leaders who have gifts and talents that are now needed.  Resist the urge to find a carbon copy of your exiting leaders, especially the good ones. Find a way to stretch other leaders without expecting them to do everything the same way the exiting leader did it. Let people be creative and true to who they are when you ask them to do something new.

Losing a leader is never easy but it provides an opportunity to care for them as well as the rest of your team that is staying.

Buz is a special education teacher who passionately loves his ladies (wife and 2 daughters). They live in Spokane, Washington and you can check out his blog right here.

If you do these 3 things well in youth ministry, you’ll do alright:

Learn well
Always be a learner – read everything you can get your hands on in whatever field you can. Push your thinking. Create an idea file. Open an Evernote account and when something strikes you – write it down. Learn from your mistakes. Make the same mistakes as few times as possible (hey it happens). Learn the easy way. Try new things. Always experiment with ideas that could be the breakthrough to make you more effective in your calling. Spend time with God and let Him lead you more than any other voice.

Lead well
Be a lover of people. Only take the best volunteers. Believe in people. Surround yourself with good people – people who will lead you well and people you can lead well. Together you will work together to keep your ministry healthy and balanced on the eternal purposes of God. Have the hard conversations. Push for the best idea, not the easiest. Don’t be afraid of speaking your mind, but remember that the best leaders listen first.

Leave well
This is a tough one – so many youth ministry departures are in less than ideal conditions. But transition is a test of your character and if you leave poorly you’ll probably repeat many of the mistakes. Dialogue what you think God may be asking you to do next. Have mentors at the ready when you feel God’s nudging. Working hard until the last day, making sure the transition plan is in place and fighting for a good handoff is the only way to go.

I’m timing this post to tonight at 7:45pm, when I’ll be sharing these words about Ryanne Witt at her going away party this evening. Ryanne is leaving our high school staff (after a total of 7 years at Saddleback in various roles) to work with my good friend Matt McGill over at Mariner’s Church. Ryanne, thanks for doing these 3 things so well and more. Proud of you and where God takes you from here.

JG

I’ve been in youth ministry for almost 15 years now in just two churches, and there’s a reality that I’ve experienced many times over and it never gets any easier. People leave.

Over the past few years in ministry, I’ve experienced more turnover than I ever imagined I would. Interns naturally come and go – that’s one thing, but losing long-time friends, staff and key volunteers is usually unexpected and never seems to get any easier. Sure when some people leave an it isn’t an entirely bad thing (I’ve had personal praise and worship nights after transitioning out a rogue volunteer small group leader) so I suppose that is part of life, too. But “doing life” with these people and being close friends with your team and their families makes transitions like these difficult.

Here’s the reality of your youth ministry team in the next year:

• Some good people are going to leave your church and go to a church in the area.
• Some people on your team are going to move away because of a job-related or family situation.
• Some people are going to be poured into and trained to be incredible, then immediately be sent out to serve in other ministries.
• Some people just need to take a break and are going to take a season off.
• Some people on your team are just going to burnout, give-up or quit.

And sometimes, God asks people to make a big move that you don’t fully understand because He hasn’t let you in on His plan yet.

When God calls, let them go. And until then, train them, love them, fight for them, bleed with them, share with them and believe in them like they’ll be serving by your side for the rest of their lives. And if and when He moves, be OK with what God is up to.

Hold your people loosely.

JG