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Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Graceful Failures

No leader enjoys the notion of failure. In the split categories of good and evil, failure is considered evil, success is considered good. Just thinking about certain failures in my own life brings back emotions that stir the depths of my being. Why? Because failure in front of those we live, play, and work with is embarrassing. It just plain hurts.

But we all fail. And some of us are persistent failures. It happens, it is how humans learn, and how we deal with it makes all the difference.

A while back I was not a Youth Director, but rather, I was a Youth Ministry Assistant. In gradations of youth ministry scales, that is just above an intern, and just below a director. You’re supposed to know a few things about youth ministry because you’ve already been an intern and now you are set loose to discover freedom with a few oodles of responsibility.

Upon being hired and oriented, I was given the reigns to a very important ministry in the youth group: the Friday night outreach program. The youth director told me that I had the freedom to brainstorm, propose, and implement the program with hopes that I would be successful in creating a space that community youth would like to come. The guidelines were that it would involve food, music, fun, and some form of evangelism.

Given freedom, I was terrified. When someone is in charge of you and gives you orders, you can always blame the orders or the one giving the orders for failure. Freedom changes that. I had to take responsibility for what would be implemented and I would be making a culture all by myself. In charge of the programs destiny, I began to worry. What if my ideas were not received well?

I tossed and turned during the nights, and wrote up drafts and proposals for the program and presented what I had come up with. It was very practical. We had been moving into a new building with a gym, a game room with pool tables and ping pong, and we had a stage in a gathering area with a nice sound board. So I decided that each week I would bring in a local band. We would start the night off with a big game in the gym that would bring everyone together, and those who didn’t want to listen to the band could hang out in the game room. It seemed simple, and so I presented the whole shebang with schedule from band load in to sound check to a quick devotion and the night would end. The presentation was well received and I was given the go.

And I was terrified.

As I thought through my simple plan I realized that there were many moving parts. (1) I had to bring a team of volunteers along to get used to a new building and a new program culture. (2) I would have to email and call and MySpace about 15 bands in order to fill in every Friday night for a season. (3) I would need a sound tech to work with several servant oriented people to help get the bands in and ready. (4) Amidst the hubbub, I would be giving a short devotion, a reflection, or a scripture verse. And (5) I would have to build relationships as the host to all the students coming through the doors and ensure that they were connected to each other and to leaders in a positive way. Lastly (6) I would have to get the gym game up and running. Oh, and I forgot to mention (7) I would be self conscious of my evaluation from my director.

Thinking through all the moving parts made me more nervous than ever, and as the first date got closer I became somewhat paralyzed. There was a point while I was searching for bands, in which I did not know if I wanted to move forward. I knew I would, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But I thought about how I felt and the notion of failure continued to weigh on me.

In passing with my director I decided to let him know how I felt. I told him that there was a lot to get going and I wasn’t sure of the excellence of everything that needed to come together. Time was going by and not all the t’s were crossed, nor all the i’s dotted.

I’ll always remember how he responded. He said, “Don’t be afraid to fail.” It was simple. He told me that I was allowed to try, and if it failed, then it failed. What was I going to do? Permission to fail! I couldn’t believe it. Suddenly I felt much better. Being a perfectionist that often falls short of my own expectations, I realized that the possibility of failure should not stop someone from doing something that needs to be done. So I went ahead and booted up the program.

After four years with spits and spurts of growth pains, and with the perspective and help of a new Youth Pastor to work with midstream, I would say that the program got to where I wanted it to be. But it took many failures and people still believing in me to get it right. In the end, students were getting connected, leaders were doing relationship evangelism, student leaders had developed, I scrapped the band every night idea (allowing it to be special when a band did come) and added video games and music from an iPod set list, and the gym games continued to be popular. The program grew, and new elements added either failed or succeeded. Even after leaving, that program continues to minister to students.

If only I had listened to Christ’s words on the Mount:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? -Matthew 6:25-27

All ministries are a risky venture. Many of us will fail, but the weight is not squarely on our shoulders. The spirit of God is looking out for us when we are trying to do good for Him. Trusting, obeying, and in that, not worrying too much about failure is a part of serving God. He is greater than us and takes us to places and builds things we cannot imagine. Fear and trembling at anything other than God will paralyze you and you cannot do the work you are called to do in a state of paralysis. Just start doing what God is calling you to do. Persevere, and you will find something valuable at the end of the road.

Daniel Griswold is the Director of Youth at St. Andrew By-The-Sea UMC in Hilton Head Island, SC. Check out his blog at http://danielgriswold.wordpress.com or on Twitter.

Add Comment March 11, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Don’t Give Up

“David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the Lord his God.” 1 Samuel 30.6

I have a few friends and fellow ministers that swear TWITTER is a complete waste of their time and monthly text message budget. I’ve tried to argue otherwise with little to no success. Some have created a twitter account just to shut me up but still not a tweet from them. Some have yet to maximize its full networking power and have limited their occasional tweets to a very select group of friends and colleagues. Still some have focused on the negatives and have resolved to never explore the positive side of twitter.

I don’t know what your opinion of twitter is but if you have yet to find yourself consumed with the tweets of world leaders, global missionaries, engaging authors, revolutionary leaders, and inspiring messengers of the Good News like I have; I hope this will change your mind. I appreciate the technology of twitter because of the opportunities and platform it offers me to receive and share words of wisdom, encouragement, and humor.

Yesterday, as I sat in Wendy’s enjoying my lunch; killing time while my car was getting an oil change at the adjacent mechanic shop, I received one of these encouraging tweets. This is what the tweet said:

@rickwarren: To last in ministry learn what David did: “He ENCOURAGED HIMSELF in the Lord” (1 Sam 30.6) Don’t expect others to do it for you.

Just as soon as I read this tweet from Dr. Rick Warren, founding pastor of Sabbleback Church, leader of the Purpose Driven Network of churches, and best selling author of The Purpose Driven Life, I had to know the context of the verse he was referring to.

In this passage King David and his men of approximately 600 had just returned home from a battle that apparently no one really wanted them around for. Upon arriving at their town of Zilag they found that an opposing army had raided it and burned it to the ground. This raiding party had also carried off their women, children, and everyone else. Already returning home with their spirits deflated and now devastated from this tragic situation the Bible says these men “wept until they could weep no more.”

Their weeping soon turned to rage toward their leader, King David, whom they wanted to hold responsible for their loss. These men began contemplating stoning him. It was David’s response to this life-threatening plot that brought @rickwarren to send his tweet. The Bible says that David, “found strength in the Lord his God.”

When facing adversity or opposition we can learn from David how God would want us to respond. Notice I said ‘when’ not ‘if’ because we can be sure that with leadership comes adversity. In those moments it would be easy to raise the white flag but in leadership we have to realize that we are working to please God and not those we are called to lead. We can’t give up and we can’t give in; we must, like David, ask God to give us strength to keep moving forward. Because David chose to seek God for strength to move forward he was able recover all that was taken from him and his men with interest.

So when you find yourself facing what you feel is the death of God’s plan for your life, your ministry, and your future don’t give up! Seek God and you too will find “strength in the Lord” your God!

What does all this have to do with twitter? Well, nothing really, accept for the fact that without having an active twitter account I would have never received this encouraging word that I feel God had for me and for you.

So, DON’T GIVE UP and sign-up for twitter!

Shon Bradford is a Student Ministry Pastor and blogs right here.

Add Comment March 10, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: 5 Ways to Make Your Teenager Indifferent to God

In youth ministry, one of the hardest things I’ve had to experience is leading students into a growing relationship with Jesus, while their parents are doing the opposite. In a lot of cases, the parent wants the best for his/her teenager. It’s just that their definition of “best” might not match up with mine. There are some hard-and-fast rules to engage if you don’t want your teenager to care about God. The following are just a few.

1. Make sure their extra-curricular activities are priority over church. You should always make sure that their scholarships are intact, and that they don’t get kicked off the team. That’s definitely more important than their relationship with Christ and eternity, for that matter.

2. When your teenager screws up, ground them from church. Of course! If they don’t care that you take away their TV, cell phone, or friend time, hit them where it hurts. Take away church. Yeah — that oughta do it.

3. Don’t call them out when they need guidance. Always let them make their own mistakes. And if they’re about to do something super-destructive, it’s probably best that they learn on their own. Because learning it the hard way is always the necessary path, right?

4. Talk negatively about your church staff around your teenager. If your pastor messes up, make sure that you call a family meeting to roast him. You should definitely let your teenager know that people can’t be trusted, especially incompetent church leaders. Your teenager needs to know that trusting church leaders isn’t smart! If they don’t trust church leaders, there’s a small chance they’ll ever accept God’s direction in their life. And that’s the safer way to live.

5. Don’t model real faith. At the end of the day, the last thing you want to do, if you want your teenager to ignore God’s voice, is to follow it yourself.

Please know my heart on this issue. We parents need to be leading our families to Jesus every chance we get. Maybe it’s time to take inventory of who or what we’re actually leading our families to.

After all, actions speak louder than words.

Mark Cox is the Student Pastor at Indian Springs Baptist Church. Stalk him at his blog www.thinknextnow.com or on Twitter @markhcox.

8 View Comments March 7, 2010

Josh GriffinMore Posts GUEST POST: Is Your Supervisor Driving You Crazy?

We all have tough days. We all have days we don’t like the decisions of our supervisor, manager, or lead pastor. Some church cultures can be downright toxic on the worst days. Simple question: How do you handle those days?

Often when the frustration or anxiety level mounts, our character can start to leak a little. Before we realize it our words, our body language, or even our attitude can show others that we’re not in full support of the church’s leadership. In fact, on the most toxic days, you may even find yourself working against your supervisor. Maybe you find yourself venting along with other staff or church people around you rather than supporting your manager. The dangerous thing about this is that one whiff of your public disloyalty and your supervisor no longer trusts you–and they shouldn’t.

One of the things I try to remember when I’m tempted to let my frustration with my supervisor leak out is that public loyalty=private influence.

I didn’t come up with this principle, but applying it has definitely helped me in my leadership. I need to remember that if I have an issue with those in authority around me that my complaints need to go up and not down or out to others. When I publicly support my supervisor, even when I’m frustrated with them or when those around me are frustrated with them, I earn private influence. When my manager hears I have their back or I champion them when they aren’t in the room, what I have to say in private carries much more weight. If you really want to influence the leadership in your church, the question is, on those tough days, do you have the character to choose public loyalty?

Jeff Brodie (@jeffbrodie) lives in Barrie, ON Canada and is the Director of Student Ministry at Connexus Community Church; a strategic partner of North Point Ministries.